


Rootmates

by Mochaberrypie



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Swapfell (Undertale), Blood but it's really more used as a joke, Enemies to Friends, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Mutt and Sir stick in the butt are assholes, Okay now real blood, Racism, Reader isn't putting up with their bs, Roommates, Slow Burn, Supernatural - Freeform, Swapfell Papyrus (Undertale), Swapfell Sans (Undertale), but not a lot, monster racism
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-10
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2020-06-25 16:17:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 23,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19749298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mochaberrypie/pseuds/Mochaberrypie
Summary: Being convinced to live with two newly freed roommates couldn't be all that bad could it? They may have some violent pasts but...you know you do too.What a strange life you live.





	1. Request

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first fanfic I've written in about 5 years so please bear with me. I have seen this type of idea floated around a lot but I'm not sure if there are any roommate swapfics out there. 
> 
> Anyways feel free to comment and correct/critique me! I live for constructive criticism!

Bored eyes looked over the city from the window of an office higher than most of the skyline. The lights of the city flickered as lights were turned on and off or something moved over the source, nonetheless they all contributed to blocking out the stars above. There was a small knock on the door before it opened up and someone called your name.

Turning your disinterested eyes towards them you gave a small wave. “How’s it going?”

“Decently but let's skip the pleasantries, we have bigger things to talk about aside from chit chat wouldn’t you agree?” the other crossed their arms and walked over to the desk setting down a stack of papers.

Your nose wrinkled with annoyance, politeness was something you had always held in high regards and the bluntness of this other person's demeanor turned your mood sour. 

“Sure.” you stood straight from the window and made your way over to the desk slowly.

“Now as you know, monsters have returned to the surface. The clan and all other hiders are scrambling to get information on them, we’ve found a few manuscripts describing what we think is them but there isn’t much else.”

“What do the manuscripts say?”

“Just some basic information on what the monsters looked like, but they aren’t portrayed as unsettling or frightening.” They pulled out a small binder from under the stack of papers and flipped open to some laminated sheets with different symbols all over. “Here we have some depictions in central Africa of lizards larger than most people. Over in South and Central America we have what are referred to as rattlers, they don’t go much into detail but they were white and strange sounding beings. The Asian continent holds a few stories of lake creatures that were hard to see but always taking their catches. North America didn’t seem to have many monster depictions, mostly ghost stories.”

You nod silently along to the explanation, eyes scanning over the pages presented, clearly some different ancient writings and drawings.

“So why did you call me here?” Your brows are a bit furrowed as you attempt to guess where this conversation is going. Were you going to be a spy for them on the monsters? Some sort of researcher of culture maybe?

“Legislation was passed to allow monsters and humans to live together in an attempt to integrate them into society-”

“No.” You close the binder and put it back on top of the papers that, now seeing them closer, looked to be some sort of contract or agreement.

“You don’t even know what I'm going to ask.”

“For me to live with someone else.” You hold up your hand as the other opens their mouth to try and convince you again. “You are asking me to take in a stranger into my home. Given our small predicament I would say the clan is out of their minds.”

“Well you wouldn’t be living in your house necessarily.”

“It doesn’t matter, this is all too risky and I’m not putting myself through this just so they can get the latest scoop on what monsters are like.” You cross your arms and walk back over to the window. They call your name softly, guilt radiating from their tone but you just stare out the window.

“You know you’re the only one of us that can even stand being outside.” It was pleading. This idiot was pleading with you to do this and using your one advantage against you.

“...” You just stare out the window and the other seems to take this as a sign to continue their reasoning.

“You would be living in a mutual home, you know we have people in power at almost all levels and they could set you up in a place close to a city and get you a night job somewhere. If you get caught all you’d have to do is tell them and it would be resolved.”

You didn’t quite like the tone of that last sentence but didn’t say anything. You knew what resolved really meant.

“You’ll be safe-” you snort out a laugh of pure disbelief. “...I know you don’t like this, but I wouldn’t be asking if I didn’t know you could do it.”

“Stroking my ego now huh?” You glance at them, you could feel your eyes adjusting as your vision sharpened. If they noticed your change in eye color they didn’t seemed phased.

“...worth a shot I suppose.” They had noticed if the hesitation to answer was anything. They walked next to you and stood staring out the window with you. “You know none of the others have as much control as you all do.”

With a sigh you walk over to the papers and pick a few of them up to read over. You could feel their eyes on your back but didn’t care.

“...can you tell me all that is going to happen? You know how much I hate uprooting myself.” A small smirk passed over both of you at the running joke between the two of you.

“Of course.”

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The rest of the conversation was mostly the plan to move and what kind of things you would need to provide to the household. You weren’t all that surprised to learn they had already picked out your new “roommates” and received the list from them on what they are providing.

“You mentioned that they both have fairly high violence levels?”

“Supposedly, they seem to go off of this strange LV and EXP system.”

“Video game terms for a way to tell how dangerous one is?”

“Considering how they all use this system I’m not so sure it’s from video games.”

You hum in thought at this and scan the pictures and information again as the other breaks down the numbers for expenses plans of action.

Surname: N/A

Given name: Papyrus

Date of Birth: N/A

Height: 7’ 8”

Eye color: Purple

Sex: Male

Nationality: Delta

Surname: N/A

Given name: Sans

Date of Birth: N/A

Height: 5’ 6”

Eye color: Purple

Sex: Male

Nationality: Delta

They both also had issue dates and regions along with pictures besides this information but there wasn’t anything else. 

“So we know nothing about them really?” You glance up at the other as they finish budgeting a few more items.

“Everything’s been pretty tight lipped, to be fair though they have only been around for about 3 months now. Not much information is getting out yet.”

“Surprised the government has acted to quickly with the integration and food.”

“You and me both.” They laughed as they stood up, stacking the signed contracts and forms. “It’s about to be dawn so I think I’ll take my leave.”

You stretch back in the chair and nod. “I think I will too. I have a month to pack, correct?”

They walked over to the window and opened it. “Yes, and your house will be looked after for your return as well as paid off as per the agreement.”

A smug grin came over your features as you had learned about all the monetary benefits of doing this “amazing service for the clan and all those like it”. What can you say, you don’t work for cheap and they were talking your kinds of prices.

“Anyways I will see you around.” With that they went out the window with a small puff of a white haze. You watched as a large vulture soured high in the sky with a small bag around its neck. You walked over and closed the window before the autumn chill could overtake the room you were in. 

What an interesting life your were having.


	2. What a Pain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all! Hope you enjoy!

Boxes and bags stuffed into a moving van along with your car, the engines start and soon you’re driving to your new ‘home’. You sing along to a few of the songs on the radio before turning on your own playlist and smile. 

The vibrant orange and pink hues of the sky were almost comical to you, here you are riding off into the sunset on your next adventure after all. Anxiety was still eating at you over the whole situation but there wasn’t any turning back. Promises made are promises kept after all, even if you don’t agree with them entirely.

As night fell and the drive continued you relaxed a little. Nighttime had always been peaceful for you and tonight was no different. The full moon illuminated the road ahead along with the street lights, though it did prevent many stars from shining through. You looked in the rear view mirror through the tinted windows at the moving van behind you and sighed.

This wasn’t just a late night drive or a night out, it was a total uprooting of your life again to appease those stuck ups. Your peaceful mood soured by that reminder you turned your eyes back to the road ahead. Moving sucked.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The maps app you used finally announced your arrival early in the morning. Pulling into the driveway you were stopped by a few men in uniforms, one of which had a clipboard and was tapping his pen impatiently.

“Name and reason for being here.” You eye twitched at the bluntness but you recited your name exactly how it is on your ID and stepped out of the van. 

“I was told I’m moving into this house today.” You glanced past the two guards to the two story house behind them, hoping to get inside soon.

It was a decent sized two story. The front yard was a decent size with a couple of trees and a driveway. The house itself had a garage door that looked like it was a bit more than two cars wide. To the right of the garage, with a small sidewalk, was the front door. A small squint and you could see that there was a screen door in front of the actual door. Besides the sidewalk of the house, out as far as the garage, were 3 fairly large windows, the kitchen or living room maybe? The front yard was a decent size with a few trees and a flowerbed. 

“I suppose I am a bit early, my apologies if it’s of any inconvenience.” You finished looking back at the men, you didn’t have to be rude after all.

The man with the clipboard pursed his lips as he glanced between it and you, seemingly trying to find any flaw he could as his pen tapping increased.

“Yes...just a bit early.” The tapping of his pen was really starting to annoy your ears. He turned and started making his way to the front door, was he just expecting you to follow? “Are you coming?” 

Yes he was.

“...I suppose I am.” You follow behind the man a good distance, not really pleased with the welcome committee of this place given the favor you’re doing for them. You noted that the other man went and was looking around your car as you walked off.

“Now I was under the impression that you weren’t supposed to be here until Friday, so my apologies if not everything is in order for moving into the house.” Even though his back was to you, you could feel a disgusting grin in his tone. It was like he had caught you on something and was ready to report your misconduct.

“I see, I suppose my calendar is off then sir. Would you mind showing me the date on your phone? I left my phone in the van but, if I may, I can call my management and inform them of the mixup on your phone. I hate to cause such an inconvenience to you sir.” You put on a small innocent smile with a worried look. It seemed to work as he began pulling out his phone.

“You have your managements number memorized?” He scoffed as he opened his phone up but he also had a grin on his face, maybe pleased that someone was getting in trouble perhaps? What a disgusting being, taking pride in getting people in trouble.

“Well I’ve had to call it so many times in recent weeks leading up to this, I would be more surprised if I didn’t!” You laughed. “What is the date sir? I’ll need it for my records so I can inform them.”

The man had paused and was glaring at his phone as if it had just betrayed him. He quickly rattled off a date to you and you nodded with a hum.

“I see, I’ll be sure to make note of this. Should I also contact anyone else in your division about this mishap? Just to make sure everyone knows misinformation can lead to confusion!” A small smirk played on your lips as you reached the front door and he roughly opened it.

“No need.” he held the door open for you with a hard frown as you stepped in. “It’s Friday.”

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Shortly after entering the house you were instructed to follow another man for a tour. The front door lead into a very short hallway that opened up into a large living room with a fireplace in the back right and a door leading to the backyard besides it on the far wall. To your right was the kitchen that was only separated by a bar area and a change from carpet to tile. The kitchen itself was decently sized, it had an island with a sink and dishwasher, a new fridge had clearly been put in, pantry had a lot of room in it, and the oven looked brand new despite the guide saying it was a few years old. Also you were right about the three windows being for the kitchen. He also pointed out the separate doors leading into the garage, laundry room, downstairs guest bathroom, and the storage room under the stairs from the living room. The master bedroom was also by the stairs on the left and was spacious with two walk in closets. 

Leading you back into the living room the man pointed up the stairs that were along the far left wall. Going up you were standing in the middle of a fairly large space, most likely used as a game room or lounging area, with five different doors surrounding it, 3 bedrooms, an office, and another bathroom. Peeking inside the rooms you found that the two bedrooms next to each other had another shared bathroom between them. Back downstairs you were shown the decently sized backyard with a couple of trees and a nice porch for parties with a large awning to keep it shaded.

All in all it was a pretty great house for a family but you did have a few questions.

“I take it the doorways are so tall for...Papyrus was it?”

“Yes, we actually had to go in and remodel most of the inside of this house to accommodate his height, most houses don’t have 8 foot doorways.” 

“I see, well it was very nice of you all to adjust the space for him. Must be quite a pain to be that tall.” You looked around the living room and hummed. “Do you know when they will be arriving themselves?”

“Tomorrow morning.” You picked up the disdain in his voice be decided against saying anything. You had been slowly getting excited to meet your new roommates over the past couple of weeks, while you didn’t do too well living with people, you did wonder how well you would get along with them. 

You have a fairly indifferent outlook on the monster community, they were just another group of people who had their own society and culture. Whenever you encountered someone who was openly against them being integrated into society you chose to ignore them as you didn’t have time to waste on simple minds. Humans could be just as violent if not worse than what the media was portraying the monsters as. What a pity that humans can’t see past their own prejudices to acknowledge the advancements the monster community could provide.

With a smile you look at the man. “Then I await their arrival. May I start unpacking?”

He grunted out a yes, clearly a bit disturbed by your willingness, anticipation even, to be around monsters. The two of you make your way outside and begin helping the small moving team arrange everything in your new home.

As you noticed another man in a uniform almost trip over his untied shoes you felt bad for the monsters. It must be degrading to have people so incompetent holding you back in quarantine. You made your way back inside quickly and took a few painkillers, whether the headache you had was from the stupidity of those currently around you, the sun, or moving in general you weren’t sure.

What a pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now just for a quick end note, I am awful at punctuation and sentence structure. I cannot even tell you how many essays I have turned in and they come back with points marked off for my terrible punctuation skills. So feel free to comment if you see something and I'll go back in and edit it!
> 
> Also I'm going to try and make this a twice a month update, at least until school starts back up for me at the end of August. Then it might be more like once a month if I have time.
> 
> Hope you all enjoyed!


	3. Rude on All Accounts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rude meetings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! Hope you enjoy this new chapter!

This...wasn’t exactly what you were expecting at 5:00am on Saturday morning.

You had taken a much needed nap after moving all of your belongings in, mostly just a TV and side tables for the living room, some dishes and cooking utensils for the kitchen, some basic groceries, and then all of your bedroom. You woke up and stayed up, scrolling through some of your social media apps and occasionally reading some news articles to pass the time in your bedroom. You heard a loud engine come peeling down the street below but decided against investigating it, if someone wanted to crash their vehicle who were you to stop them? What you couldn’t ignore was the distinct screeching stop, right in front of your house. You kept your ears honed in on the sounds of the driveway as the loud engine was slowly making its way up it.

Pulling yourself from your bed, you quietly make your way out of your bedroom and to one of the windows lining the walls of the front of the house. Very carefully tugging the blinds aside just a hair you peak down to the driveway.

Two figures clad in mostly black with helmets on their heads were standing next to an idle bike, the one holding the bike up and adjusting the kickstand before turning it off was quite a bit shorter than the one eyeing the house.

“What a trash heap!” the shorter one crossed his arms. “Captain of the Royal Guard and they can’t even give me a proper house!” he was quite loud, you could tell that the sound was only muffled due to the helmet and the distance as he sounded like he was in the same room as you.

“...” the taller one was looking right at your window now, surely he couldn’t see you right? You weren’t even moving the blinds out of the way but half an inch to look out. “seems we have company already m’lord.”

You carefully put the blinds back and hop away from the window quietly. Unsettling, completely and utterly unsettling. You almost jumped out of your skin when there was a loud knock on the door, like hell you were letting these two in.

“HUMAN! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT BUSINESS YOU HAVE DOING IN OUR HOUSE!” the short one, you assume, was knocking repeatedly now, getting closer to banging. “OPEN OR I WILL BE FORCED TO REMOVE YOU MYSELF!”

You snicker slightly at that thought before composing yourself and carefulling making your way down the stairs, no need to let them have any indication as to where you are. You step in front of the door as the banging got louder and faster. How rude.

“HUMAN THIS IS YOUR FINAL WARNING!” a smile played on your lips as you knock quietly on the door. There was silence now, they had obviously heard you knock back so you did it again.

“HUMAN WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS FOOLERY?!”  
“Knock knock.”

“WHAT?!”

You knocked twice again. “Knock knock.”

“HUMAN I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS I DEMAND YOU OPEN THE DOOR THIS INSTANT!”

You just knocked twice again, hearing some muffled chuckling.

“MUTT WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING ABOUT! THIS HUMAN IS RUDELY KEEPING US FROM ENTERING OUR HOME!”

You laughed softly at the irony of you being the rude one here before knocking twice again.

“...WHO IS THERE HUMAN.”

“Tank.”

“...TANK WHO?”

“Aw, good to know you have some manners!” You opened the door slightly looking at the two before you. “You’re welcome, now how can I help you?”

The short one was clearly seething now if the fog behind his helmet was any indication while the taller one seemed to be trying to hold back laughing if his shoulders were telling the truth. You smiled pleasantly but kept your stare cold, you had a feeling you knew who these two were but didn’t want to let them in until you were absolutely sure.

“...MUTT.”

“yes m’lord?”

“IS _THIS_ THE HUMAN?”

“picture matches so I assume so.”

“STATE YOUR NAME _HUMAN_.”

Oh how you wanted to slam the door in his face, feeling your smile curl just a bit tighter, you gave them your last name still not moving from the doorway to let them in.

“I SEE.” The shorter one turned to the other and pulled off his helmet. His skull was round and quite a bit larger than your own with a crack coming from his left eye (socket??), looking at his teeth briefly you noted that they were quite a bit sharper than your own, almost like a shark. Purple eyelights darted between you and the taller figure who was also taking off his helmet. The tall one had a longer face and teeth, one of which was gold on his left side, there was also a scar going down his eye (socket? Yeah it’s a socket) on his right side. Orange, almost gold, eyelights were looking you up and down as a smirk of amusement played over his teeth. They looked about the same as they had on those photos.

The smaller one, Sans if you were remembering correctly, made a ‘go on’ motion towards the other. Quick enough to make you flinch, the taller one, Papyrus, had one hand on the doorway and the other resting in his pocket leaning over you.

“how’s ‘bout you let us in then?”

He leaned in closer and pulled his hand from his pocket to run down your cheek with his knuckles. It would have almost been sweet if you couldn’t feel the pressure and scrape of his bones against your flesh intentionally leaving a scratch on your face. Was he seriously trying to threaten you? You smiled politely again before firmly gripping is wrist and pulling it from your face. Control, keep yourself under control.

“Well you see I still don’t know who you two are. As easy as it would be to just assume I know who you are and what you’re talking about, I’ll have to wait until 6:00am when the guards show up. That would be…” You glance at the clock on your phone. “About 43 minutes from now.”

“SO YOU HAVE NO INTENTIONS OF LETTING US INTO OUR HOME UNTIL THE GUARDS SHOW UP TO ID US.”

“Precisely.” You may have been playing this up a bit at this point but you couldn’t bring yourself to care much, riling up the smaller one was just too much fun.

There was a small look on San’s face of admiration before he scowled again. The larger one just seemed to chuckle before pulling back off the doorway a glint in his eyes showing his own irritation.

“I SUPPOSE YOU ARE AT LEAST COMPETENT ENOUGH TO NOT JUST LET ANYONE INTO OUR HOUSE _HUMAN_.”

Flattering. “Tank who for understanding!”

“BUT WHAT DO YOU EXPECT US TO DO FOR THE NEXT 40 MINUTES, YOU ARE BEING A TERRIBLE HOST!” Irritation was now very prominent in his tone and you had to force down the smirk fighting its way onto your face.  
“I could try my hand at a nice breakfast for us while you wait in the front yard, have any preferences on eggs and bacon?”

“YOU EXPECT US TO JUST STAND IN OUR FRONT YARD UNTIL THOSE PATHETIC HUMANS SHOW UP?”

“I’m sorry sir, but I don’t just allow anyone to step into my house, especially given the current circumstances. You’ve already complimente my competence on the matter and, if you are who I suspect you are, you shouldn’t be surprised by my insistence that we follow protocol on these matters.”

With a huff Sans turned back towards the driveway and began walking to the bikes parked there.

“...scrambled and crispy.” You looked up at the taller one who had pulled out a cigarette and lit it, well you thought it was a cig but the lit part was purple. He gave a long draw from it before blowing it in your direction making your nose crinkle at the (sweet?) smell. He turned and made his way towards Sans before you firmly closed the door and locked it.

As you made your way to the kitchen and began making the simple breakfast you began to worry. These were supposedly your new roommates, you probably shouldn’t be pissing them off, you mused. At the same time though they were the ones who showed up much earlier than expected and without the guards to verify who they were, and rudley at that. As the bacon began popping away you glanced at the clock, 35 minutes left now. As crispy as you could fry it before it burned and as fluffy as you could make the eggs you plated two helpings of each and opened the front door carefully.

Only to be met with an extremely annoyed skeleton.

“FIFTEEN MINUTES.”

“Um...what?”

“IT TOOK YOU FIFTEEN MINUTES TO COOK SUCH A SIMPLE MEAL, YOU REALLY MUST BE INCOMPETENT!”

You could feel your face shift from confusion to annoyance as you handed the plates off to him, choosing not to comment as nothing you would say right now would be in any way polite. He turned and handed one to Papyrus before looking back at you.

“WHAT? DON’T WANT TO JOIN US?” He leaned in with a smirk. “SCARED LIKE ALL THE REST OF THE WIMPS WE HAVE SEEN?”

“The only thing I’m scared of is your lack of manners.” You couldn’t stop it as that little comment left your lips, so much for being polite. Might as well just ask a few questions since you’ve already opened your big mouth.

“WHAT?!”

“So how did you get yourselves here? I was under the impression that you were being heavily guarded.”

“SO YOU ARE SCARED!”

“No, just want to make sure the army isn’t going to roll up with tanks trying to apprehend you two for escaping.” This only seemed to make him laugh.

“YOU THINK A PATHETIC HUMAN WEAPON WOULD BE ENOUGH TO CAPTURE US?”

“It would be enough to cause the neighbors and myself a headache.”

“WELL IF YOU MUST KNOW…” He pulled up his pant leg and showed a small metal box had been strapped around his ankle. “THEY PUT THESE CONTRAPTIONS ON US! THEY WON'T GO OFF UNLESS WE LEAVE THE CITY. WE HAD BEEN PERMITTED TO STAY IN A MOTEL UNTIL MORNING FOR EASIER TRAVEL BUT I FOUND THE PLACE LACKED ANY SORT OF DECENCY AND WE MADE OUR WAY TO OUR NEW HOME AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.”

“...and they just let you leave? And the bike?”

“ARE YOU GOING TO QUESTION EVERYTHING I DO _HUMAN_?”

“Considering how weird all of this is, I feel like I should be allowed to.”

“YOUR FEELINGS DO NOT MATTER TO ME BUT I SHALL INDULGE YOUR CURIOSITY ONLY BECAUSE I DO NOT WANT TO WASTE MY TIME EXPLAINING IT ALL LATER.”

And that’s how you learned that both of them had intimidated the poor desk woman into not saying anything about their sudden departure and that the government had apparently issued them both bikes but were waiting on one to be delivered. How they had gotten ahold of a licence to drive said bikes was beyond you.

After they both had eaten their share, with Sans complaining about how terribly you had prepared the food, you took the plates back and locked the door again. Cleaning up the kitchen you looked at the empty pans and decided they needed to soak after waiting so long. You could hear cars moving quickly down the street before coming to a stop in front of your house yet again. Looking at the clock you noted that they were about 15 minutes early.

Shouting was heard outside but you didn’t bother to try and distinguish what they were saying as you quickly wiped down the counters before going back to the front door. Opening it you leaned against the frame and watched silently as about ten guards surrounded the monsters with their hands on their holsters.

“-ND YOU JUST EXPECTED US TO STAY IN THAT DUMP?!”

“You were not released to leave the premises! You were informed that we would be assisting you to your new residence!” The guard talking was the same one you remember from yesterday, clipboard man, as you have taken to calling him. Sans scoffed at his comment and turned to Papyrus waving his hands.

“CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS?! US NEEDING ASSISTING! HOW HILARIOUS!” Papyrus took a long drag off of the cigarette to which Sans wrinkled his nose bone but didn’t say anything about it.

“it’s very humerus, m’lord.”

“YOU TWO AND YOUR HORRIBLE JOKES!” Sans shot a look back at you.

You decided to step in as it didn’t look like the conversation was going anywhere and their shouting was getting on your nerves. Walking up to the group you made sure to stay in the shade and took a decently shaded spot besides the two skeletons. A few of the guards called out your name but you just smiled and waved.

“I take it these are my new roommates?”

“WE HAVE BEEN TELLING YOU THAT ALL MORNING _HUMAN_!” You chose to stare down clipboard man, something about the way he was holding himself seemed...off.

“Yes, unfortunately that is the case for you. I apologies if they have caused you any trouble ma’am. We will have them dealt with shortly.” Now that made you pause, oh they were going to take this as a chance to show how unpredictable monsters were weren’t they. What a shame.

“I don’t see what needs to be dealt with sir, they haven’t caused me much trouble besides me having to fix breakfast.” You looked at the two monsters beside you and smiled at their slightly confused faces. “In fact they’ve been great company, I would hate to see them in trouble over a minor hiccup.” You looked back at clipboard man.

“We still have to document this _ma’am_.” Ah there was that familiar anger.

“And I would like to give my thoughts on the matter, seeing as how I’m the person they were causing trouble.”  
“...of course _ma’am_.” You clapped your hands together and smiled as bright as you could.

“Amazing! Now how about we move this discussion inside?” You politely waited for the begrudging sounds of approval before making your way to the door and holding it open for everyone.

“PAPYRUS.”

“yes m’lord.”

You looked behind you to see what was happening only to be met with Papyrus blocking your whole view. Before you could say anything he put a hand on the door and looked down at you.

“i have it. go.”

You honestly didn’t know whether to be more pleased with the polite gesture or annoyed at the rude command so you just smiled and said thank you before going inside. Everyone followed in behind you to the living room, the space was more than accommodating for the amount of people given the lack of furniture.

“Home sweet home I suppose.” You looked back at the two edge lords slowly looking around the place as the ten guards were fidgeting and trying to keep their distance. You could cut the tension and disdain from the two sides with a knife.

Yes, this very much wasn’t how you imagined your Saturday morning to go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to chat with me on tumblr!
> 
> https://mochaberrypie.tumblr.com/
> 
> Don't be afraid to comment and critique! I'm also looking for anyone who wants to be a Beta reader!


	4. We're All Weird Up In Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone's a little weird.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long, I just had life hit me like a train so it might be slow updating. I hope to get at least one chapter a month!

“I SEE THAT THIS ROOM IS LACKING...IN EVERYTHING.” Sans was the first to speak up out of the two sides, folding his arms and looking over the room critically as he scanned the room.

You shrug a little and laugh. “I agree, not much here yet. I assumed that we would be picking furniture together or you may have your own, I’m not picky.”

“but you brought small tables?” Papyrus had moved over to one of the two side tables in the corners of the room and was tapping on the wood.

“Those came from a set I bought a couple of years ago, they're cherry wood so they’ll last a long time.”

“THEY’RE VERY LIGHT IN COLOR.”

“It darkens over time, I’ll show you some pictures of what the wood color will turn into later.” You smiled but it quickly tightened when you heard one of the other occupants in the room clear their throats. Right, the racists...speciesist? Small minded people.

“If you are done talking about your tastes in furniture” when the clipboard man spoke you could feel your irritation spike, almost as if the room had heated a few degrees. “We do have other matters to discuss.”

“Of course sir.” Short and simple with a sweet smile, a little while longer and they will be gone.

“Now as you are all aware this is a temporary housing as to let both species get used to each other and learn about the others habits. It is understood that not every habit of each party is consistent throughout each species so we encourage communication on both sides.” As clipboard man spoke another guard was pulling something out of his bag, you noticed how both Sans and Papyrus locked their gazes on him. The man pulled out three small spirals and passed them out to you and your roommates “We would also like to encourage you to document your experience as a way to see how the integration is going.”

“YOU WANT US TO KEEP A DIARY?” Sans was holding the spiral he was given by its corner and eyeing it with a look of distaste.

“It’s more like a log of notable instances throughout this integration process.” One of the other men tried to clarify. You had to keep a look of confusion from showing as you also eyed the spiral you held, wasn’t a diary supposed to be a log of _notable instances_?

“...I SEE.”

You tucked the spiral under your arm, you already had a system of documentation and didn’t feel the necessity of informing these...people of your life. You’ll humor them though, maybe only putting in bland things to annoy them further. You awoke to two corpses in your living room, oh wait those were just your new roommates.

“We will start with weekly visits to the house and move onto monthly after you have settled in with one another.” The clipboard man made a few scratches on his namesake before handing it off to the guard with the spirals.

You kept your face neutral but inside annoyance was building, you were already having to share a living space, they also wanted a diary of _notable instances_ (something you considered an invasion of privacy even if you knew it was for research purposes), and now these fools were going to be doing random appearances. You knew what you were getting into when agreeing to all of his but it didn’t annoy you any less.

“We also have a few rules to go over before we leave.” He pulled out his phone and began tapping away at something. “Now Sans and Papyrus are already aware of their rules but I don’t believe we talked over yours miss...” He was eyeing you, confusion prevalent on his features before you begrudgingly gave your last name to him. Like you thought, very simple minded.

“Right, let’s move on with the rules.” He was swiping at something on his screen now.

Rules huh? You weren’t aware of any restrictions on your part, what an interesting development to drop on someone who has already agreed to play nice.

“While we have no restrictions on how late you may be out of the house we do require you to check in with these two at least once a day. You also must accompany them when they are out in public, they are not allowed past the city limits as of right now. You may not bring anyone else over to the house for obvious reasons and you may not bring them over to anyone else’s house. Any further rules will be discussed with you at a later point.” The man looked up from his phone right at you. “Is this all clear to you ma’am?”

“Crystal.” You smiled pleasantly despite the growing itch of irritation. So you were just a glorified babysitter for two grown adults, you wondered how they must feel being treated like this. Like untrustworthy children or maybe even just prisoners...again. You’d have to do something about that.

“Well then I believe we are done here. Sans, Papyrus, your belongings should be arriving in the next hour or so.”

“‘kay.” Papyrus was leaning against the railing of the stairs now with his eyes closed. His posture said relaxed but you could almost taste the frustration coming off of him and Sans.

“Thank you sir. We will deal with that when the time comes.” You walked over to the door and opened it, hoping to politely convey the obvious hint you were trying to drop. _‘Please get out you disgusting assholes.’_

All the guards filed out and one handed you a piece of paper with a phone number on it, informing you to call that number if any trouble occurred. You wouldn’t need it but you put it in your phone anyways to appease them.

When the door finally clicked shut and the sounds of receding cars faded you turned back to the other two.

“What a welcome committee that was, huh?”

“I WILL NOT ALLOW YOU TO DICTATE OUR LIVES HUMAN.” Sans crosses his arms and glared at you accusingly. You laughed softly before walking over to the stairs.

“I have no intentions of doing that. I do have every intention of taking a nap right now though, that was a bit more social interaction than I was anticipating today.” As you slowly ascended the stairs you heard a scoff.

“NOT EVEN A TOUR OF THE HOUSE. WHAT A HORRIBLE HOSTESS YOU ARE.”

Now that had you pause, the implications of you being rude somehow despite your best efforts really rubbed you the wrong way.

“Oh very true. Well, I’ll show you a few of the rooms, most are just extra bedrooms.” You came back down and quickly did a small tour of the spaces you knew, all the while Sans complained about how it didn’t meet his standards. Papyrus stayed silent as he simply observed each room from the doorways.

It didn’t surprise you when Sans took the master bedroom downstairs, citing his reasoning as being the captain of the royal. You noted that Papyrus’s room was the one closest to the stairs, maybe for easier access to the exit?

The moving truck showed up soon enough. Papyrus and Sans moves everything inside, you tried to help along with the movers but Sans was insistent that no “DISGUSTING HUMANS” touch their belongings. You had to suppress a laugh and the fact that you, a disgusting human, would be in fact touching their belongings seeing as you lived with them now.

Once everything was set up to meet Sans standards the movers clearly couldn’t get out of there fast enough. You watched as the moving truck all but sped down the street before turning away from the window. Looking up at the sky you were grateful that large clouds had appeared and were helping to block most of the sun.

“HUMAN.” Ah, Mr. High and Mighty himself was gracing your presence.

“Yes Sans?”

“I BELIEVE WE HAVE SOME BUSINESS TO DISCUSS IN REGARDS TO OUR...SITUATION.”

“Oh?”

“I HAVE A FEW RULES OF MY OWN FOR THIS HOUSEHOLD THAT I EXPECT YOU TO FOLLOW.”

Another pleasant smile another itch of annoyance at the back of your mind. Would politeness really kill anyone around here?

“Well I suppose I have a few requests myself, though I was hoping to discuss them with the both of you.”

“I SEE, THEN OUR DISCUSSION CAN WAIT UNTIL DINNER.”

With that Sans turned and walked back into his bedroom. You blinked and hesitated for a second before going up the stairs to your own bedroom. Maybe you had misjudged Sans? He seemed to be able to be reasonable when he wanted to be. Maybe he wasn’t just a tiny tyrant after all.

When you opened your bedroom door you couldn’t help the deadpanned look you wore as you scanned the many items littering your bedroom. The dishes you brought along with the silverware were stacked neatly at the end of your bed, the dishwashing soap was also near it along with a variety of other minor cleaning products, there was also your detergent, dryer sheets, and fabric softener on top of your bed, a few towels had been neatly folded and placed on your pillows, and there was a variety of other small things you had brought along. The only things missing from what you’d borough were the side tables, guess they at least like those.

Closing your door you turn back to the stairs where Papyrus had appeared. He took a drag from what looked like a cigarette but you questioned that when the smoke he blew out was purple.

“I see you both didn’t like my choices in dishes.”

“m’lord has his own.”

“I see. So the solution was to just put everything in my room?”

Papyrus shrugged before taking another drag. “m’lords orders.”

“Mm...Well I suppose we can talk more about this at dinner. Have any preferences on what we have?”

“whatever m’lord wants.”

“...I see, I’ll go ask him then.” You made your way towards the stairs but a skeleton hand shot out and blocked your path. “Yes?”

“he’s busy.”

“Well I need to start dinner soon if we are going to eat at home.” You glanced at the clock, it was already 5:40.

“he’s busy.” There was a finality of his tone, maybe in an attempt to scare you? How cute.

“Well...what does he like then?” You turned and faced him, challenging the glare he was giving you with your own neutral stare.

“...nothin’ you could make.”

“And why is that?”

“he won’ like a human touchin’ his food.”

“Well then how about you help me?” You crossed your arms and raised an eyebrow at the huff of laughter he gave.

“oh that wouldn’ go over well with him.”

“Oh?” A small smile crossed your face as you leaned in a bit towards him. “Sounds like you’re a bit scared to cook.”

He gave another huff of laughter before leaning down toward you, foreheads almost touching. “think of it more like nothin’ either of us make will meet his standards.”

“So he’s a picky eater.”

“more like you won’ make his meals how he likes them.”

“...a picky eater.”

Papyrus pulled back and leaned against the wall glancing down the staircase. The sounds of some pots being moved around along with the oven being turned on drew your attention.

“i would be down at the table by 6:30 sharp.” Another puff of smoke escaped his teeth. “wouldn’ want him calling you ungrateful, would you?”

You pursed your lips together and glanced at the clock that read 6:00 now. “What if I went down and helped him?”

“nah he’d say you’re accusing him of not being able to handle it himself.”

“...well thank you for the advice.” You eyed him a bit. “...why are you giving me all this information? I wouldn’t have thought you’d be too concerned over my adjustment to your lifestyles.”

There was another huff of laughter, this one holding a bit more genuine amusement. “what? can’t i try and keep the peace around here before this all crashes and burns like everything else you stupid humans have put in place to protect us or help us adjust?”

“Everything else?” Your face clearly showed your concern and confusion as Papyrus just about doubled over in laughter forcing you to step back as to not be hit.

“holy hell they really didn’ tell ya anythin’! they have us goin’ to these therapy and adjustment sessions to try and help us adapt to your cultures up here, mostly a bunch of history crap. problem is tha none of that matters.” He leans over you and his smile is something manic, you narrow your eyes. “see what we are is ingrained in our souls, our sins are still on our backs as he sayin’ goes. no matter how much crap you humans spew at us about changing our behavior to fit into your society, our societal standards will always be apart of us.” You held his stare and tried your best to suppress a shiver, his widening grin told you he noticed.

“What if I told you that I don’t want you to give up your culture?”

“then you’d be dead where you stand.” He leaned back and relaxed against the wall again.

“Then why aren’t I?”

He opened an eye towards you and took another drag off of his cigarette. “because we’ve all agreed to play nice. kind of like the sky more than starting another war.”

“Hm…”

“ARE YOU DONE FLIRTING WITH THE HUMAN NOW?” Sans had his hands on his hips at the bottom of the stairs looking up at you two.

“What? We weren’t-”

“yes m’lord.” Papyrus cut you off and pushed past you to walk down the stairs towards Sans.

“HUMAN.”

“Yes?”

“HURRY UP.” Sans turned towards Papyrus with a wave in your direction. “WHAT DID I TELL YOU? HUMANS ARE AS UNGRATEFUL AS THEY ARE STUPID.”

“of course m’lord.”

You decided not to comment on their behavior as you made your way downstairs and towards the new dining room table that was laid out with food. Oh...food...oh no.

Sitting yourself down you eyed the options before you; large burritos were rolled up in three different piles in the middle of the table, on either side of the piles were fairly large bowls of rice and beans, further down towards the ends of the table were some guacamole and salsa along with chips by either bowl, and directly in front of you was a steaming basket of what you guessed were tamales if the peaking corn husks were anything to go by. In short, a lot of food.

“O-Oh… did you really make this all in about 45 minutes?” You carefully pulled up the small blanket covering the, yup you were right, tamales. Grabbing one you carefully unrolled the hot corn husk lightly poking at it to make it look like you were eating. Sans scoffed before taking one of the burritos and unwrapping it from the aluminum.

“OF COURSE! THOUGH I HAD THE MEAT MARINATING SINCE LAST NIGHT.” Sans took a bite as he stared you down.

“A-Ah I see. Well it smells delicious.” You pushes the small chunks of food around on your plate in an attempt to make it look like some of it had been eaten.

“WELL SEEING AS HOW I MADE IT, OF COURSE IT DOES! IT TASTES JUST AS GREAT, WHY NOT HAVE A BITE HUMAN?” He showed off his shark-like teeth with a smile. Skeletons are weird.

Deciding you really didn’t have much choice you picked up a bite and took it. It was...really good actually, it made you feel pretty bad that you wouldn’t be able to stomach much of this. When you swallowed however that thought flew out the window.

“Mm?!”

“STUNNED BY MY MASTERPIECE I SEE! MWEHEHE!”

“It just...did my food just disappear?!”

“WHAT?”

You quickly took another bite and sure enough you swallowed and it just evaporated, if anything there was a small tingly sensation in the back of your throat.

“What in the world?”

Both of the skeleton monsters were staring at you with very confused looks.

“I AM UNSURE OF WHAT YOU ARE SO SURPRISED ABOUT HUMAN.”

“My food. Disappeared. In my throat.” You were just staring down at the now cold food with a mixture of wonder and concern. What were you eating exactly?

“WELL YES, THAT HAPPENS WITH FOOD.” Sans’s face had a wide amused smirk on it. “LOOK PAPYRUS THE HUMANS DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW TO PROPERLY EAT!”

“Oh no no no hold on. You mean to tell me you are used to food just vanishing in your mouth? That’s not what I usually eat does.” You sit up straight and eye the food with a wary eye. “What exactly is this stuff made of?”

“WELL YES. HOW ELSE ARE WE TO GET OUR NUTRIENTS?” Sans was trying to hold back a laugh. “DO YOU SUSPECT I HAVE POISONED YOUR PORTION SOMEHOW HUMAN?”

You were growing more confused by the minute. You picked up one of the burritos and ignored Sans’s question in favor of taking a bite. Again the food vanished and you just sat back staring at it.

“No...seriously what is this made out of. Why is it tingly?”

Sans just stared at you again before another loud laugh escaped him.

“YOU MUST BE REACTING TO THE MAGIC! I FORGOT THAT HUMANS HAVE ALL THOSE WEIRD SQUISHY BITS INSIDE THEM TO PROCESS THEIR FOOD!” Sans calmed down after a minute and a glance over at Papyrus told you that he was also finding this whole thing amusing.

“I’m sorry but I’m still a bit confused. Are you saying the food is made of magic and that’s why it’s just disappearing?” You looked at Papyrus hoping for a clear answer and he just shrugged before taking another bite of his own burrito.

“AH YES I SUPPOSE THIS WOULD BE DIFFERENT TO HOW HUMANS USUALLY DEAL WITH THEIR MEALS. YOUR BODY IS JUST ABSORBING THE FOOD.” Sans went back to his own meal and you decided not to question the topic anymore. Monsters and magic were just very bizarre to you.

“Okay. Well would we like to go over the house rules then?”

“AH YES. THAT IS A TOPIC IN NEED OF DISCUSSING NOW ISN’T IT?” Sans pulled out a piece of paper and a pen from his pocket that had been neatly folded. “SIGN HERE.”

“Excuse me?” You took the paper that was filled completely with words almost too small to read. Another contract?!

“SIGN IT.”

“Hm...what if we try this instead, seeing as we are all living here together, why don’t we go over the rules all together and decide on ones that seem fair.” You put the paper down and looked between the two other occupants.

“HA! WHY WOULD I NEED TO DISCUSS ANY RULES WITH YOU _HUMAN_?” He waved at the paper. “I ALREADY HAVE EVERYTHING WRITTEN DOWN, JUST SIGN IT AND WE WILL BE SQUARED AWAY.”

These boys were really testing your patience today.

“I’ll sign it so long as I deem it fair, I don’t believe I am acting unreasonable.”

“I DON’T SEE WHY YOU INSIST ON BEING DIFFICULT.”

“Because I am living here as well and would like a say in what order is being set in this house.”

Sans leaned back in his chair and waved his hand in a “go on” motion, face showing his obvious annoyance.

“Okay. I just mostly ask that you two don’t go into my room, I’m sure the same goes for you two in regards to myself.”

Sans just nodded and waved his hand. “ALL THAT FUSS JUST TO TELL US TO REFRAIN FROM ENTERING YOUR ROOM, AS IF I WOULD HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOUR DISGUSTING SPACE!”

“Ah so who was it then that asked all the dishes be moved into my room?”

“I ALREADY HAVE ALL THE SUPPLIES NEEDED TO MAKE THIS SUBPAR LIVING ARRANGEMENT BEARABLE.”

“Oh? Then why were my ‘tiny tables’ left to be included in your subpar living space?” You held an even smile though you could tell your eyes were betraying your very annoyed interior.

Sans coughed lightly, choking a little on his bite. “WELL IT IS NOT MY FAULT THAT THE ONLY CONTRIBUTION TO MY HOUSE THAT REMOTELY MEETS MY STANDARDS WAS YOUR TABLES.”

Oh this was too much fun yet at the same time all too irritating. “Your house?”

“YES. SEEING AS HOW I LIVE HERE I WILL CONSIDER THIS MY HOUSE FOR THE TIME BEING.” Sans stood up suddenly, his eyes glaring daggers and one igniting in a purple flame. Now that was very interesting. He quickly broke his gaze and began to pick up the plates.

“Well then I hope we can live together peacefully.” You also stood up and began helping him put the dishes away.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” He almost looked scandalized. “I NEED NO ASSISTANCE OF A HUMAN.”

“I’m simply helping, you may not need it but I don’t feel comfortable just letting you do all the work around here Sans.” You were carefully balancing the plates and waking into the kitchen, ignoring the low growl you heard from behind you.

Truly some interesting roommates you had.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Later that night you were looking over the contract Sans had given you with a magnifying glass. You had realized that you never allowed Sans to actually tell you what his own rules were.

1\. Do not tell either of what to do. We are not work horses nor are we dogs.  
2\. Never enter Sans’s room unless he is present.  
3\. Do not go through any of our belongings.  
4\. You must go along whenever we want to go into town.  
5\. Threats will not be tolerated.  
6\. You must keep the house clean.  
7\. No animals.  
8\. Do not turn anything on to a volume higher than 1/4th of the max setting.  
9\. Do not ask us to use our magic or to demonstrate for you, we are not a performance.  
10\. ...

As you kept reading down the list you found yourself agreeing with most of the demands. Taking a black pen you crossed out the more outrageous demands such as ones restricting volume usage and being the sole cleaner of the house. You laughed a bit as you put a line through one banning you from getting drunk and raised an eyebrow at the one prohibiting smoking of any form. Huh. Seems like either Papyrus has a rebellious streak or there are different sets of rules for each of you.

You quickly add your signature to the line at the bottom and exit your room in nothing but your PJ’s. You couldn’t help but frown thinking about the extra comments on the ends of some rules, as if they’ve had to explain to a very small child how to behave. Making your way to Sans’s study that he had specified you wondered about the treatments the two had received and the many others in their same situation.

“bit late to be up and wanderin’ aroun’ doncha think?”

You spun quickly towards the direction of the voice shocked only to find Papyrus leaning against the wall blowing another puff of smoke. You relaxed a bit once seeing him and waved the piece of paper.

“I was just going to put this on his desk.”

Papyrus snorted. “heh. you could just throw it away yourself instead of making m’lord do it. guess humans are lazy all around.”

“Oh I think he’ll want this. It'd be a shame to throw it away after I already signed it, wouldn’t you agree?” You tried to give your best smile but even you had to admit you were tired after a long day of social interaction.

Papyrus just stared at you for a second before quickly walking forward. You tried not to flinch at his fast approach and gave a small “hey!” when he snatched the paper from your hands looking over it. How he could read in the near pitch black room you had no idea, you knew why you could but monsters were still a mystery to you.

“huh.” he walked past you and opened the study himself despite your small protests and questions. He placed the paper neatly on the new desk in the room before turning back to you with a very odd look in his eyes. “hm...ya know i heard humans have pretty bad vision at night.”

“Hm?” You kept your face pretty calm despite your inner demeanor almost going into a full blown panic.

“it’s almost pitch black.”

“Yes...it is pretty late.”

“how come you seem to be able to see fine?” you could see his eyes narrowing at you more out of curiosity than threatening.

Tapping your ears you smile wide “I have pretty amazing hearing, I can hear the sounds bounce around the room and use that to figure out where things are.” Not...a complete lie you supposed.

Papyrus hummed again before closing his eyes and shrugging. “humans are weird.”

You laugh and make your way out of the office, as you turn to look back at the other you find him leaning against the wall next to the door.

You smile up at him, making sure to look directly into his eyelights. “Monsters are pretty weird too though, huh?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still looking for beta readers so if you're interested just message me on tumblr!  
> https://mochaberrypie.tumblr.com/
> 
> I'm on there quite a bit but I don't reblog or post much


	5. What a wonderful world

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> People are unable to adapt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hm I'm just going to throw in a few warnings so check end noted for those!  
> Edit: I had to fix some spelling issues sorry!

A small sigh leaves your lips as you go to sit up from the comfort of your covers. Stretching you wince a bit at the gnawing ache in your stomach, looks like you’ll have to go out soon.

Pulling yourself out of the soft nest of pillows and blankets you start your morning routine. As you’re pulling on your shirt you hear the tell tell sounds of someone banging around in the kitchen down below and at first you panic. Someone was in your house. Food?

No no. Your new roommates? Yeah...damn you were hungry. Glancing at the clock you noted that the time was 5:00am, fairly normal for you given your...unusual sleep schedule. Making your way downstairs you peak into the kitchen to see which of your roommates was up at such an hour. You saw Sans scrambling eggs and bacon going in one of the pans on the stove.

“I SEE YOU AT LEAST KNOW A DECENT TIME TO WAKE UP.” Sans says pouring the eggs into the pan without looking in your direction. Your stomach gave a small rumble at the sight and Sans froze. “THOUGH YOU ALREADY SEEM INCAPABLE OF FOLLOWING THE RULES WE’VE AGREED TO.”

Your brows furrow as he turns and send a menacing glare towards you. A hand rests upon your shoulder and squeezes tight making you look up quickly into golden eyelights.

“I’m sorry, I’m not entirely sure what you mean Sans.” The smell of bacon was making your mouth water despite the odd situation and your stomach gave another low rumble. The hand on your shoulder squeezed tighter. A spatula was waved in front of your face as you look back towards Sans, his glare still in place.

“THAT! YOU AGREED NOT TO THREATEN US AND HERE YOU ARE TRYING TO GROWL AT US LIKE AN ANIMAL!” Sans crossed his arms and tapped his foot impatiently. “IT’S A VERY WEAK ATTEMPT AT BEING ASSERTIVE.”

You blinked at him trying to process what was going on before you tried to double over in laughter. The hand on your shoulder was strong and you mostly just stumbled back into Papyrus in your fit. His hand let go as you fell into him and both boys shared a confused glance as you landed at Papyrus’s feet.

“Oh! Oh boy! That’s funny! Hahaha give me a second haha!” You pulled yourself up and leaned against the wall still giggling a bit. “I, haha, I wasn’t growling at you Sans.” You made a small wave at your stomach. “I’m just hungry and the food smells good, it’s just my gut saying it wants some of the bacon over there.”

Sans and Papyrus share another look as the later takes a slow step away from you, eyeing you up and down with apprehension that just spurred on another set of giggles.

“HUMAN...YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT YOUR BODY GROWLS IN AN ATTEMPT TO COMMUNICATE WITH OTHERS THAT YOU ARE WANTING FOOD?” Sans was very clearly staring at your stomach with something akin to horror, maybe it was admiration really, you couldn’t tell but it was pretty funny.

“No it’s mostly just telling me that it’s hungry. It’s the acids in my guts going a bit haywire that’s making that noise really.” You stand up tall and shrug and look over at the bacon still going. “Is this food magic infused too by the way?”

“...acid?!” Papyrus’s voice was barely more than a whisper but still contained all the horror of a shout and you really tried to hold back from laughing again at his expression.

“MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY BROTHER! DO NOT TRY AND CHANGE THIS SUBJECT HUMAN! YOU HAVE ACID IN YOUR BODY?! AND IT GROWLS LIKE AN ANIMAL?!” Sans quickly pulled the bacon off the stove still eyeing you cautiously.

“K-Kinda?” You were giggling again. “It helps to breakdown food in my body.”

“...THE ACID STAYS IN YOUR BODY CORRECT?”

“Yes, its stays right in my gut.”

“KEEP IT THERE THEN.”

“Will do!” You turn and look back at Papyrus who was still eyeing you cautiously. Giving him a softer smile hoping to ease him a bit and you wave. “It won’t leave me and I can’t harm anyone with it if that’s what you’re thinking. If you don’t believe me there’s a ton of info about all this on the internet.” Papyrus visibly relaxes as he leans back against a wall and nods.

A few minutes later you’re all sat down at the table and begin digging in. As satisfying as the magically infused food was in your body you couldn’t help but be disappointed that it didn’t seem to sate your other hunger. As you and Sans were rinsing and putting the dishes in the sink he demands that you take him and Papyrus to the store to which Papyrus groans from the table.

“WHAT WAS THAT?” Sans gave the other a glare as Papyrus released another, louder more obnoxious groan.

“shopping…”

“AND WHAT IS WRONG WITH SHOPPING NOW?”

“everything.” 

“IT’S FOR FOOD YOU IDIOT!”

“it also requires me to move.”

“HOW UNFORTUNATE. WHATEVER SHALL WE DO.”

You were trying to hold back a laugh at their banter. Despite their outward appearances you could definitely tell that these two were brothers.

“let me stay at home?”

“NONSENSE! YOU WILL GO.”

“nah.” 

“PAPYRUS.”

“i wheelie don’t feel like going, cart you just leave me be?”

“...IF YOU STAY HERE I’M NOT GETTING ANY OF YOUR SAUCE.”

The next second Papyrus was leaning against the doorway, you blinked a few times trying to see if you had missed something as he had just been on the couch. As your eyes darted between the taller skeleton and the couch you saw a very amused grin come across his face. Staring at him for a few seconds you just turned your confused gaze down to the plate in your hands.

“WELL WITH THAT SETTLED LET’S BE OFF.” Sans plucks the plate from your hands and places it in the washer. “REALLY HUMAN PLACING A PLATE IN THE WASHER ISN’T CONFUSING. HOW HAVE YOU SURVIVED THIS LONG WITH THE LACK OF KNOWLEDGE YOU SEEM TO HAVE IN AN ENDLESS SUPPLY.”

A scowl came over you face, yup he was definitely still a rude person. You glanced up at the clock and noted that it was now closer to noon. Mentally checking the day of the week you had to hold back a wince as you realized it was also a Sunday meaning that there would be a lot of people out and about.

“Today it's supposed to be really busy, are you sure you wouldn’t like to order out tonight and go shopping tomorrow?” You asked hopefully.

Sans eyes narrowed at you and you noted the obvious scowl on Papyrus's face.

“ASHAMED TO BE SEEN IN PUBLIC WITH US I SEE?” Sans leaned in closer to you, his arms crossed. “IF I REMEMBER CORRECTLY YOU AGREED TO TAKE US OUT WHENEVER WE NEEDED IT. LOOKING IN THAT BARE PANTRY AND EMPTY FRIDGE SHOULD BE ENOUGH TO JUSTIFY SAID NEED.”

You blinked a bit surprised at the accusation and internally grimace, of course they would take that as a racist comment. Shrugging you made your way to the door and grabbed your set of keys before motioning to the garage hoping your mental apprehension wasn’t showing much more.

“I know you won’t believe me but it has nothing to do with you two, I just don’t particularly like being around huge crowds.” As the three of you made your way to the car you felt a small tug on your chest. Rubbing your sternum a bit you opened up the drivers side door and the others got it with Sans being shotgun.

You turned on the car and were about to back up with you noticed your companions hadn’t buckled up like you had.

“Um...please put on your seat belts?” You pulled on your own strap to show them what you meant. Sans gave you an unimpressed look.

“WHAT PURPOSE WOULD THOSE SERVE?”

“They’re a safety feature so you won’t be hurt as bad in the case of an accident.”

“i say let natural selection run its course.” Papyrus had rolled down the window and was blowing smoke out it. “there are enough of you around anyway.”

You just scrunch your face up at his comment and choose not to respond since they both had at least listened and buckled up.

The ride to the store was quiet as your company started out their windows. You took a small detour past a few more attractive spots and smiled slightly when you heard a few hushed but excited whispers.

Pulling into the parking lot you cringed at the number of cars. Pulling into a spot towards the back you hopped out and waited for the others to get out as well before you locked the doors. Making your way towards the front you noticed that the two seemed to go deathly quiet and with a quick glance at the two you saw the tension in both of them along with their dilated eyes.

“You two okay?”

“WE ARE FINE HUMAN, LET US GET THIS OVER WITH.” The way he talked sounded strained, like he was trying to hold up a normal facade and keep down his nervousness or fear. You’ll have to keep an eye on them.

“Okay, I’ll grab a basket.” Walking to where they were stored for customers you grabbed one and quickly turned back to the other two only to find that they were much closer to you than you anticipated. Holding back a small jump you smiled reassuringly towards them and made your way into the store.

As you three worked your way up and down the aisles you had to bite back your tongue at some of the comments thrown your way. You simply laughed a bit at being called a “monster fucker” by one man and had to give creative credit to the fool who called you “natural selection’s next test subject” but both of these were nothing compared to the idiotic insults thrown towards Sans and Papyrus. 

Being called “demons” and “the undead” was clearly getting to the two but every time you looked back at them with worry Sans simply glared at you and demanded that you just move forward. You note that while Sans and Papyrus make no comments or lash back at the harsh insults that Sans posture seems to slouch a bit and Papyrus was glaring at everything and standing much closer to his brother.

You tried to think of some way to make this experience easier for the two but were cut off from your thoughts by a harsh pull on your arm.

“Don’t worry ma’am, you don’t have to continue this facade anymore.”

“Excuse me?” You tried to gently remove your wrist from his grasp but only felt it tighten. “I believe you’re mistaken, I don’t have a facade right now?”

“A pretty young thing like yourself has no reason to be hanging out with those freaks.” The man wasn’t even looking at you but glaring at the two skeletons.

“Are you the local loon? What makes you think grabbing me is in any way helping me? I’m very capable of choosing who I associate myself with and right now it happens to be those two.”

“They must being using some sort of magic on you then! To make you think you don’t need to get away!”

You gave the offender a deadpanned look and yank your arm out of his grasp.

“I don’t know who you think you are but I am more than capable of handling myself, I am not under whatever magical influence you seem to think I am under _sir_."

The mans face turned towards you and you felt a sickening chill run down your spine and he leaned over you with a smile that he must have thought was handsome, it wasn’t. He grabbed your arm again and you turned away as his breathe washed over you face, gross.

“Well those two seem like they can handle themselves too. Why not spend some time with me? I think I’d be much more in your league.”

“I don’t think you are even playing the same game let alone in ‘my league’ sir, please let me go.”

“What? Do you really want to hang out with those freaks? They may be big but I’ve got something bigger doll.”

You rip your arm away and turn to face the man. “The only freak I see around here is the one in front of me who can’t take no for an answer.” You spin on your heels and quickly grab both the boys arms in front of you, ignoring their instinctual pulls away from you, before tilting your head back at the man again. “And besides, it doesn’t count if 90% of the size of your dick is shoved into your personality. I believe you should just go ahead and sit on your cactus throne instead of harassing people, you prick.”

You took a deep breath and tried to calm your instincts yelling at you to just feed, feeling a small amount of saliva already trying to drool down your face. Pushing your unresponsive party forwards you were grateful to see that at some point Papyrus had grabbed ahold of the cart. The rest of the trip went fairly quickly with only mild awkwardness in line as the cashier wouldn’t even look up at you due to your company, or maybe it was just the glare you were holding towards everyone in the store.

“you glare any harder and a hole is going to burn through their skull.” Papyrus finally spoke as the three of you started loading your car with the goods.

“Well maybe I’m trying to get it through their thick skulls that treating people like this is uncalled for and beyond rude.” You crossed your arms as yet another person sent a disgusted look towards your companions but quickly thought better of saying anything as they noticed your glare. Whether they be rude or not, you didn’t feel like it was right for your charges to be treated in such a disrespectful manner.

“PAY THEM NO MIND.” Sans was putting the last of the groceries in the back as casually as possible but you could tell that his shoulders were still tense. Looking around the parking lot you huffed and closed your eyes trying to calm your instincts.

“Given how much of a catastrophe this experience has been, I vote that we should just have our groceries delivered and only shop for things like produce.”

“i don know, seemed like a purrfectly normal trip to me.” Papyrus closed the back while Sans groaned.

“NO.”

It took you a second to realize what was going on before you laughed a bit and hopped in the car.

The rest of the ride home was fairly uneventful though you did notice that the two relaxed quite a bit and were talking more. At one point Sans was even asking you some questions about other shops.

“After what we just went through?”

“WE WILL NEED TO UPDATE OUR WARDROBE. I HAVE NOTICED THAT YOU HUMANS HAVE A VERY DIFFERENT SENSE OF FASHION COMPARED TO US MONSTERS. IF WE ARE TO TRULY INTEGRATE THAT WILL ALSO INCLUDE HOW WE DRESS.”

“You won’t be giving up your styles completely though right?” You bit your bottom lip a bit nervously. “You shouldn’t be forced to completely change yourselves to fit in.”

“MWEH HEH HEH! OF COURSE NOT! IT WILL SIMPLY BE FOR AN UPDATE.”

You breathed a small sigh of relief and smiled listing off a few shops in the area. You noticed that Papyrus was idly playing with his collar as the two of you spoke.

As the three of you made it home Sans ordered the two of you to unpack the groceries as he started dinner early, seeing as how they all had skipped lunch. Papyrus quickly grabbed a couple of bags from the back and walked inside with you close behind. Once you closed the door behind you though he just...disappeared.

Magic is weird and you were just not going to question this.

After unpacking the groceries with Papyrus and avoiding San’s quick pace in the kitchen you make your way up to your room. You were tired of people for now and simply wanted to be left alone, if you had a bar for you social stamina it would be heavily in the red due to a mixture of your hunger and just general social interactions for the day.

Making your way into your room you stop dead in your tracks.

“One rule. I only had one rule Papyrus.” You groan holding your head in your hands trying to contain just how annoyed and irritable you were.

“rules ‘re ment ta be broken sweetheart.” Papyrus chuckles as he rests his chin on his hand. “was quite a stunt you pulled in the store back there.”

“I don’t tolerate people grabbing me...or rude people...most people in general annoy me.” You were done with today, you wanted to have a quick snack on your back ups and just take a nap.

Papyrus laughed and sat up straight pointing to himself. “does that include me dear?”

“Currently or in general?” You smile a bit, banter like this always amused you though you rarely got a chance to do it. Another bark of laughter left Papyrus.

“does my answer make a difference?”

“For the most part.”

“i see, well i’ll leave ya alone.” He stood up and stuck his hands in his pockets. “though i do have a question for ya, what’s with the blood packs in your mini fridge?” He pulled out one of the packs in question from his pocket, his stare turning icey. Fuck.

You didn’t have an answer, you were hungry and irritable, fully unprepared for an interrogation that could open up a whole new can of worms if not handled delicately. Your eyes darted from the pack to the small mini fridge by your bedside that doubled as a nightstand sitting on a small sheet of wood to keep it off the carpet. You tried to rack your brain for answers when your eyes landed on a pack of pads.

“P-Periods!” You blurt out, face going red. Papyrus’s stare turned to one of confusion.

“what?” 

“I-It’s period blood…” You nervously kicked your feet on the ground hoping he would just buy the lie and leave you be. Papyrus looked like he was trying to figure out a particularly hard problem before his left eye light lit up gold and he threw the pack in your direction.

“w-what that fuck?!” He yelled. Your quick reflexes caught the pack and you breathed a sigh of relief. “i’m gonna need an explanation?!”

You sigh already accepting the hole you were digging would be much deeper than you anticipated. “They made you watch sex ed videos right?”

“y-yeah?” 

“Well we have to properly dispose of our...fluids and this is how I choose to do mine.” You were hugging your arms and looking away now, very embarrassed at the turn this conversation had taken.

“that...that’s really weird…”

“Mhm...so…” you moved out of the way of the door so he could leave.

“STILL FLIRTING WITH THE HUMAN I SEE.”

Both Papyrus and you snap your heads to the doorway where Sans was standing looking a bit amused.

“Flirt-? I don’t think you understand Sa-”

“WHAT’S THAT IN YOUR HANDS?” Completely ignoring your outburst and small cries of protest Sans reached over and snatched the small packet of blood out of your hands. He squished it around a bit. “HUMAN WHAT IS THIS LIQUID?”

“b-bro look you don’t wanna know.” Papyrus was staring in horror at the packet that Sans was so carelessly squishing around.

“WELL NOW I MOST CERTAINLY DO.” Sans waved the packet in your very red face. “ANSWER ME HUMAN.”

You were planning completely on the fly, you loved to have things at least mildly in control in your life and this most certainly was not one of those times. Without thinking too much about it you grabbed the packet back and ran towards your window.

“H-HEY! HUMAN JUST WHAT ARE YOU-?”

“PERIOD BLOOD!” The window was flung open and you chunked the packet out and into the backyard. With a small pant you collapsed to your knees and covered your face. The holes you had dug.

There wasn’t a sound for what felt like an eternity before you felt Papyrus lean over your shoulder to peak out the window.

“so...is that how you...disposed of them?”

“N-no? I don’t know...please leave...I want to nap…”

“YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT?”

“she has to dispose of those...packets…”

“YOU WILL NOT BE THROWING YOUR GROSS HUMAN FLUIDS INTO OUR BACKYARD!”

“It won’t happen again! Please just LEAVE!”

You heard the door close behind you and you peaked over your shoulder to see that they had both left. With a sigh you dragged yourself into bed after retrieving one of the packs in your fridge and sucking on it like a juice box while curled up under the blankets.

You still needed to go out soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Blood (Though it's more of a joke?) and racism  
> Did I write this in the span of about an hour? Yes, yes I did. Enjoy.  
> Hope you enjoyed this chapter!
> 
> I'm still looking for beta readers so if you're interested just message me on tumblr!  
> https://mochaberrypie.tumblr.com/


	6. Bloody Good Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two days in one!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to say I am so sorry for the delay in this chapter, finals really kicked my butt in college and I've been having trouble finding a place to stay in the city I'm moving to!
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

The minutes rolled by and soon the smell of a freshly made meal was wafting through the house. You covered your head in one of your pillows trying to block it out futilely. After what had just happened not an hour ago you were not mentally prepared to face the two downstairs, you couldn’t even decide if an awkward silence was worse than a forced conversation at this point.

You also still needed to pick the damn thing up.

With a reluctant sigh you slip out of bed and grab a brush off your desk to fix your frazzled hair. Pulling out the last of the knots you stood in front of your door trying to convince yourself to just go ahead and open it up.

This situation wasn’t working. It was too dangerous for you to be here, this close to beings who could very well use exposing your kind as a sort of blackmail to help their own kind out. From what you have seen, from these two at least, were that they were self-centered and potentially insane, if they were supposed to be part of the hierarchy underground you hated to think about how deranged the rest of monster kind must be. 

You shake your head, no no you cannot think like that, like just another one of those idiots who judge before they've seen. It’s only been a day and you all were still trying to figure each other out. Maybe you just needed to get over those walls of theirs? You were never very good at socializing so that was going to be hard.

You pull your hand back and look at the door handle you hadn’t realized you’d been gripping and cringe. It had been slightly crushed due to your strength, you really needed to keep yourself in control.

Making a mental note to get it fixed later you open the door and carefully walk downstairs towards the dinner table where food was once again laid out.

“I SEE YOU’VE DECIDED TO COME DOWN FROM HIDING.” Sans was sitting in his seat from last night and Papyrus was nowhere to be seen. “THOUGH I SEE YOU STILL HAVEN’T REMOVED YOUR...PACK.” A disgusted look crossed his face as he side eyed the window to the backyard. You sheepishly smile and shrug before sitting down at the table. 

“The food smells delicious.” You pick up a small loaf of bread and open it. “Magic infused?”

“OF COURSE! YOUR HUMAN FOOD HAS NO NUTRITIONAL VALUE TO US.” Sans began putting food on his plate.

You nod and begin making your own plate as well. It’s been so long since you’d been able to properly enjoy baked chicken and potatoes, you didn’t even know what kind of casseroles these were but you didn’t care. After you finished making your plate you looked over at Papyrus’s seat and hummed. 

“Is he not joining us for dinner?”

“HE WILL COME DOWN WHEN HE FEELS LIKE IT. HE’S A STUBBORN SKELETON.”

You bit back a remark on how it seemed all skeletons were stubborn but you chose to just hum and nod along again. The rest of dinner was just silent and pretty awkward on your end, as you went to stand up and go clean your plate Sans cleared his throat. How he could do that you did not know. 

“I WOULD LIKE TO...THANK YOU.” It was like the words were physically painful for him to say. “YOU DID NOT HAVE TO DEFEND US LIKE YOU DID.”

You looked at him for a moment before smiling genuinely. “Humans are rude and harsh. You two haven’t done anything to deserve being treated like that.”

Sans waved his hand dismissively. “MONSTERS ARE THE SAME IF NOT WORSE, YOU STANDING UP FOR US JUST MEANS WE ARE NOW IN YOUR DEBT.” His glare seemed to pierce through your being and you felt a small tug from your chest. Sans hummed thoughtfully. “WHAT DO YOU HOPE TO GAIN FROM ALL OF THIS?”

“Not letting people talk that way to you two? That’s just something I’m tired of people doing in general.” Walking into the kitchen you washed your plate off. When you turned around Sans was in the doorway staring at you. “You also don’t owe me anything, you’re not indebted to me.”

Sans just stared at you before straightening up and nodding. “I SEE. WELL I STILL EXPECT YOU TO PICK UP YOUR PACK OUTSIDE.”

“Yes yes I’ll do that.” You held out a hand for the plate he was holding. “I wash you put in the dishwasher?”

The two of you worked quickly to clean and clear the table, putting the leftover food in containers to cool before storing them in the fridge for Papyrus. Sans walked into his room and you looked outside and sighed happily, the shade had finally covered the yard. 

Walking out you picked up the pack off the ground and scrunched you’re nose up. It’s gone bad due to being out of the cold. You lived off the proteins in the blood cells from the DNA, while you had your own DNA it required a lot more energy to maintain and replicate itself so your body would just take the energy from other beings. The proteins and enzymes in your body worked quicker than other living organisms, hence why you could heal yourself faster and regrow parts of your body. You could also move faster and were quite a bit stronger thanks to the fast repairing of your muscles, a lot of beings just thought you could dash off without a problem but it was more like you were pushing your muscles past their limits and continuously repairing them. The trade off for all of this was that you really could only survive off others and your skin was hypersensitive to UV rays as the skin cells just absorbed as much of the suns energy as it could. Being caught on fire due to your body’s hunger for energy was obnoxious. 

As you held the bag and walked inside you heard a small caw come from above you. A black bird was hopping along the outside of your window and looking down at you. 

Making your way inside you made your way back up to your room and placed the ruined back on top of the small fridge to deal with later. Opening your window the black bird hopped in. 

“Took you long enough.” The feathers were ruffled out now to show their annoyance. “Have anything yet?”

“Hello to you too. I’ve been great.” You roll your eyes and poked the side of the bird. “These things take time, you know that.”

“More like you’re just being lazy and milking the council for money.” Their voice was quiet as to not be heard by any lurkers outside the room. 

“Oh believe me, if I wanted just money all I’d have to do is ask a few people.”

“You and your favors.”

“Not my fault people keep coming to me for help, I’m just making it worth my time.”

“Fair point.” The bird hopped up onto your shoulder and head butted your cheek. “But they’re hounding me about information from you and I need them off my tail feathers already.”

“They could just contact me themselves.” You roll your eyes. 

“You would just play games and distract them.”

“They always send me spam mail.”

“They send you meeting information so you can be up to date on what’s going on.”

“Yeah, spam mail. That information doesn’t pertain to me.”

“You’re as stubborn as a bull.”

“But as free as a bird!” You hold your hand up so they could hop onto your finger so you could look at them. “I just don’t like the political part of everything. It really doesn’t ever involve me since I can just make it on my own anyways.”

“Yeah yeah Miss Independent right?” 

“More like Miss Antisocial. I don’t like dealing with those snobs and last time I tried to help the others a giant fight broke out over what I was doing.”

“You let a known criminal walk free.”

“Eh technicalities. He was found guilty of something petty anyways.”

The banter between you two played on for awhile and you relaxed. It wasn’t very often that you could just let yourself have fun with someone. It was nice, peaceful even. 

“So about that information…”

“Mood killer.” You had moved to lay down on your bed with them hopping around on your stomach. “If you must know they are just like the rest of us.”

“Might need to elaborate.” They tilted their little head. 

“Well they try to be intimidating but I can tell they’re just paranoid I’m going to try something on them. They’ve both threatened me in their own ways but I don’t really think they’d do anything, they’re too smart for that. They infuse their food with magic, which really just seems to be their entire source of energy.”

“Have they attacked you?”

“Nah, like I said they’re too smart for that. Don’t worry every hair is still on my head.” You laughed a bit. “Though they don’t seem to know much about humans. Whatever they’re being told in the camps is the bare minimum, maybe not even that.”

“Do they know about...you know?” 

“Hm? Oh, no I don’t think so at least.” You glance over at your small fridge. “One got pretty close but I think I weirded him out enough to never want to snoop again.”

They laughed as you retold the incident and both of you fell back into a peaceful quiet. Glancing out your window you felt your head give a hard throb as the last rays of sun were at just the right angle to peak through your curtains. At remembering your needs and limits you felt your instincts go into full gear, vision becoming sharper but more unstable and a noticeable twitch from both your feet and your hands. Shaking your head to try and clear it you groaned.

“Have you eaten recently?” Their feathers were ruffled, obviously picking up on you predatory behavior.

“Yeah, it was a couple of days ago, though with the stress of all this I think I’m needing to eat more often.”

You glance at the time a sigh, you didn’t want to chance going out right now as your roommates might come in and find you gone. Looking over your calendar you hum happily that you started your job tomorrow, really all it was was a simple security job so you’d have an excuse to be out late at night.

“I know this sounds odd of me but I think I need to go to bed soon. Energy reserves and all that jazz.”

“You? Heading to bed EARLY? Hell has frozen over, the sky if falling, pigs are flying, it’s the 30th of February-”

“Yes yes yes, the improbable has happened. Please let me sleep?” You tap the birds head and make your way over to the window.

“Fine fine, but I want more info whenever you can get it okay?”

“Yeah yeah yeah boss, I’ve got it.”

You two said your goodbyes and you watch as they fly off into the night.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

You wake with a small yelp and roll away from the stray beam of light that had passed through your window and onto your arm. With a hiss you take a look at the burnt skin and try and focus on it. Everything was too bright and hazy, it was getting hard to focus on anything without your eyes straining. You watch as the skin slowly mends itself back together and sigh, relieved that you wouldn’t have to explain a burn to our roommates.

Getting changed was a hassle with how bright everything seemed and you could feel a growing headache come on as you descended the stairs. As you reached the bottom you quickly shut the curtains to the backyard before making your way to the kitchen.

“you seem ta be a rain cloud on a sunny day. what’s got ya all gloomy sunshine?”

Papyrus was leaning against one of the counters with a mug of what smelled like coffee. All your senses were going haywire and honing in on potential meals, would he mind too much if you snagged his cup?

“Woke up with a headache, sunlight’s making it hurt more, sorry.” You rubbed at your temples as he tilted his head curiously.

“sunlight can hurt y’all?”

“Kinda, we can get some bad burns from the UV rays.” Making your way over to the cabinets you grabbed a mug and began making a cup of coffee for yourself. “I’m hyper sensitive to it actually, can’t be out more than an hour or two before some nasty skin stuff happens.”

‘ _Like actually catching on fire by hour 3 or fully melting past that point’_ you grimace at that thought and pour the liquid energy into your cup.

“But right now? It’s just so bright my eyes are hurting which is making my headache worse.”

“hm…” Papyrus downed the rest of his cup and left. As he walked in front of the curtains though he pulled them open and walked out of the room.

“Really?” You quickly look away from the bright beams and try and control your raging headache. There was a distant “nyah ha ha” but no other reply was given.

Walking forwards, you quickly close the curtains and pull your hands back. Biting your tongue to didn’t say anything as you looked over your burned hands, the reddened skin took a noticeably longer time to heal from even just this morning.

You’d need to feed tonight.

Going back and finishing your coffee, you quickly made your way back up the stairs. Making sure to glare at Papyrus’s door, you lock yourself into your room as to avoid any more encounters with the troublesome duo. As dinner time rolled around you could hear the tell tell sounds of Sans preparing dinner again. Softly groaning, you roll out of bed and look at yourself in the mirror.

Well...you could look worse you suppose. Your face was slightly sickly and you had some noticeable bags under your eyes but nothing that couldn’t be explained by a lack of sleep. With a stretch, you decide to make your way down after combing your hair, grateful that the sun was setting and no longer shining it’s beams directly into your home. There was a slight smokey smell hitting you every once in awhile, but given how sensitive you were at this point that could be coming from down the street. As you open the door you’re met with a skeleton outside your door.

“she’s up.” He’s looking you up and down with a raised brow. You just look tiredly up at him.

“TELL THE HUMAN TO COME DOWN HERE IMMEDIATELY!” Sans yells from the kitchen, almost a bit frantically.

“What’s going-”

“oven’s smokin’ and we don’t know why.”

A bit more forcefully than you intended you push past Papyrus and rush down the stairs missing the slightly surprised look on his face. Before you even hit the bottom step your starting to feel a bit overwhelmed with the smell. Holding your breath, you sprint into the kitchen and quickly see that the oven door is wide open with a white smoke coming out from somewhere in it.

“I’VE TURNED IT OFF BUT HAVE YET TO LOCATE THE SOURCE OF THE ISSUE.” Sans is holding his scarf over his face and waving his other hand at the oven. “SINCE YOU SEEM TO KNOW YOUR WAY AROUND THESE UPGRADED MODELS YOU WOULD KNOW HOW TO FIX THIS ISSUE, YES?”

You didn’t say anything as you knelt down in front of the oven with your shirt over your face to try and block out the smell. Determining that nothing directly inside the oven was causing an issue you opened the broiler drawer on the bottom to investigate.

Hot Pockets...charred as hell Hot Pockets were smoldering at the bottom of the oven.

“Why…?” You look back at the two. Sans has turned towards his brother with his arms crossed while Papyrus is just staring at the charred remains of what was obviously his at some point.

“heh woops.” With a quick flick of his wrist the two smoldering bricks were lifted off the bottom tray and tossed unceremoniously into the trash.

“REALLY? WOOPS?! I CAN HARDLY STAND TO BE IN HERE NOW! I HOPE YOU ARE NOT EXPECTING ME TO COOK IN THESE CONDITIONS!” Sans was flailing his arm to exaggerate his point while the other hand still held the scarf to his chest. Standing a bit shakily you walk over to a window and open it up.

“eh I can make some Hot Pockets if you’d li-”

“NO. ABSOLUTELY NOT.”

“ya shot that down so fast the gun’s smokin.” Papyrus had a shit eating grin on his face and didn’t pay you any mind as you flipped on the fan with the switch next to him.

“I HATE YOU RIGHT NOW, I HOPE YOU KNOW THAT.”

“love ya too bro.”

“If it’s any help, the kitchen should be good to use in about 15 minutes.” You give Sans an understanding look. “Though if you don’t feel like cooking that is perfectly fine.”

“I DON’T NEED YOUR PERMISSION ON WHEN I COOK HUMAN.” His glare was icy as he looked you up and down. “I SUPPOSE, THOUGH, YOU TWO WILL LIVE WITHOUT MY EXPERT COOKING FOR ONE NIGHT, FEND FOR YOURSELVES.”

With that he walked over to the fridge and grabbed a premixed salad and some dressing before leaving. Looking over at Papyrus you just shrug and grab a soda from the fridge while he rummages around the kitchen for something. As you turn to leave the kitchen, once again, you give him a deadpan stare as he pulls out the box of magically infused Hot Pockets. You just decide to walk away and hope history doesn’t repeat itself anytime soon.

Going back up to your room you snack on a few packs of blood while you keep an eye on the time. You started work in about 3 hours and needed to get ready to leave soon. You’d set out an outfit for yourself earlier but were starting to wonder if you should pack an extra set of clothes for your meal. You knew you’d probably be a bit messy tonight given how hungry you were so it might not be a bad idea.

Digging through your belongings you give a small cheer when you find the small black backpack you could use. Rummaging through your clothes you find some old sweats and a stained sweater you didn’t care much about and shove them into the bag. Didn’t want too much attention drawn to you after all.

Glancing at the clock you had a good amount of time to kill still so you decide to put on a light layer of makeup to hopefully cover those dark circles from before and bring some life back into your face. Satisfied, you binge a couple of videos online before heading downstairs.

You saw Sans sitting in front of the TV watching a documentary on wildlife and smiled. He seemed peaceful and happy right then, engrossed in a show. You felt bad for him, for all monsterkind, that they never had a real chance to see the beauty of the planet. You purse your lips together and shake your head, now was not the time to start pitying them, you needed to get to work on time.

As you hit the last step you felt a small rush of air before seeing Sans directly in front of you.

“WHERE ARE YOU GOING?” Sans crossed his arms as he stood in front of the door. You raised an eyebrow at his odd behavior.

“I have to work tonight. They need me in to train before I can officially start my shift.” You crossed your own arms and glared back at him. Your current mood was not a good one and the tiny tyrant was only making it worse. 

“THIS LATE? SEEMS SUSPICIOUS.” He held his ground firm refusing to move from the door. “WHAT KIND OF GAMES ARE YOU PLAYING HERE HUMAN?”

“Games?” You tilt your head a bit confused, what could he possibly think you were up to? You felt a presence lean over you and had to old back a flinch at the sudden appearance of Papyrus leaning over you.

“DO NOT TAKE US FOR FOOLS _HUMAN_. WE ARE WELL AWARE OF HOW TRICKY YOUR KIND CAN BE.” You gave a deadpanned look to the smug grin he was wearing, as if he had caught you in some sort of lie.

“Well I assure you, I am simply going to work.” You made a motion to the business-casual attire you were currently wearing as you had yet to receive a proper uniform for your position.

“bit late to be headin’ to work.” Papyrus was staring down at you, it was a bit hard to read his expression.

“It’s the night shift as a security officer for a shipping facility.” You brushed past the two of them and tried for the door once more before a hand shot out in front of you. “Yes?”

“WHILE I ADMIRE YOUR WANT TO WORK I SIMPLY DON’T SEE WHY YOU DON’T HAVE A JOB DURING THE DAY SAME AS THE REST OF YOUR KIND.”

You lean your head back to look at him with a small smile. “I suppose I don’t want to waste my time with my trickster kind and would rather stop them from damaging our society further.” You gently move his hand out of the way and open up the door. “I’ll be back around 4am if it’ll ease your concerns over my wellbeing.”

“I HAVE NO CONCERNS OVER YOU _HUMAN!_ I SIMPLY DON’T WANT YOUR DISAPPEARANCE OVER AN IDIOTIC CHOICE IN WORK TO HAVE A NEGATIVE IMPACT ON MONSTERKINDS HARD WORK.”

“Well, for your sake at least, I’ll keep out of trouble tonight.” You walk through the doorway and down to your car.

“IF YOU DO NOT COME BACK I WILL HUNT DOWN AND COLLECT YOUR SOUL MYSELF.”

You smile as you start up the engine.

“That is if you can find it!”

Life sure was interesting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like this was a bit rushed despite being delayed, hope it seems okay to everyone!
> 
> I'm still looking for beta readers btw! Feel free to contact me if you're interested!


	7. Biting Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the wait! School has started up and I'm sadly dealing with quite a few personal issues that made me put my writing on the back burner!  
> Warning: Mild blood

There was a slight bounce in your step as you make your way from your car to the doors of your new job. A few hours from now you’ll have the first decent meal in awhile and settle your instincts and on top of that you were going to just sit around and get paid. The doors slid open and you walk quickly down the long hallway towards an office, checking to make sure you had the right office number you knock and open the door.

“Good evening Miss ___.” An older gentleman was seated in an office chair behind a rather large desk with a couple of monitors.

“Good evening sir.” You gently close the door behind you and give the man a polite smile.

“I see you’re transferring from our other office location a few states over. That will make training go by quickly.”

You nod and keep hidden your mild discomfort at not being completely informed of your own backstory, as far as you knew you were just supposed to be a brand new hire not a transfer. “Yes, it was a nice location but I prefer this city.”

The man nods and stands up, holding out his hand. Taking it you shook it and he welcomes you to the team before leading you out of the office and into another smaller room with more monitors. He briefly went over what cameras were pointed where and where the emergency buttons and protocols were. He drilled you on a few different drills and where to go or what to do that you managed to answer based on your previous experience as a night guard at different points in your life. Finally he went over some of the codes you’d need to know for setting the alarms and locking up the vaults.

“That should be everything for now. My main number is on the desk if you need to contact me, otherwise you’ll be relieved at 2:00am.” He was gathering his things while you politely held the door open for him.

“Have a good evening sir.”

“You too Miss ___.”

Once the man left you head back to the main monitor room and sat back in the chair watching the screens. You sent a quick text to your friend asking him what was up with the cover story and scowled slightly when all you got back was “You weren’t told?”. You sigh slightly and just decided to be extra careful at this particular job, even the slightest slip up could draw attention to your...predicament. 

Your night passes without any problems and when you finally got relieved of your shift you were starting to get more antsy about getting your meal. Quickly saying goodbye, you rush to get your belongings and try not to look too desperate to get out of the building. You began walking the unfamiliar streets trying to figure out a good hiding spot to get changed when you feel the hairs on the back of your neck stand up. Suppressing a groan, you try to not look too obvious as you glanced around the dim streets, though the darkness did little to stop your sense of vision. Not seeing anyone immediately you began just walking in a random loop around the city, being careful to know where your home is in case anything happens. Glancing up a hooded figure is leaning casually over the sides though they’re too far away to properly make out their face. 

“If I may ask, why are you following me?” You’re in the middle of a shopping center with no apartments in sight, no need to be quiet you figure.

The hooded figure just tilts their head a bit before disappearing over the roof. You just give the spot where they stood a glare before shaking your head and continuing on your hunt. You really couldn’t go another day of not eating unless you wanted to run the risk of not being able to control yourself. 

Ducking through a few alleyways and even through an abandoned building you just couldn’t shake the feeling of being watched. Looking up again you glare at the figure now casually leaning against one of the window sills of the unstable structure.

“I’m really not sure what you want. Please leave me alone, I’m very much not in the mood to deal with a stalker. Another night, maybe?” Your patients with this person was quickly wearing thin and if they weren’t careful you’d just make them your next meal. 

The only reason you didn’t attack this individual was because you had a feeling they were worth more than your usual prey. You typically only went after low profile people as they wouldn’t hold too much standing with the city and their complaints about being mysteriously attacked weren’t likely to come back and get you. 

The figure gave out a small huff of a laugh before, once again, disappearing behind the window. Deciding to just give in and take the bait, you walk back into the abandoned building, dodging holes in the floor. Scanning around you look at where the figure had been standing and furrow your brows when you see no reasonable way to get up or down to that window. With a huff of your own you decide to just sit down and lean against one of the walls, no sense in wasting energy you don’t have on an issue you don’t have time for.

“Look I know you’re still in here, I can feel you watching me dumbass.”

A bark of laughter sounded from behind one of the stacks of broken wood.

“Ah, find it amusing that I know my own share of colorful language? I suppose dumbass was too nice, maybe you’d prefer to just be called a fucking bastard that lacks the self confidence of a dumbass?” You’re quietly standing and stalking over to the wood, trying to make your voice match how loud it would sound as if you were still back at the wall. Without looking you grab the arm of the stalker and push them harshly to the ground. “Or maybe just an idiot suits you best.”

There is a quick struggle from them before an almost deranged laughter starts to come from them. Disturbed but determined to keep this person from harassing you any further tonight, you push their head into the ground. Doing so you become aware of a fairly large issue you had now, Papyrus was currently being pinned down by you.

“Dude...what the fuck.” You quickly let him up and grab his arms pulling him so he’s standing. Brushing off some of the dirt from his jacket you glare up to him.

“didn know th’ little miss had tha kind of strength.” His grin could only be described as shit eating as he looked down at you. “now where’d ya learn tricks like tha?”

“I...Look fine, let's just go home. I’m really not in the mood right now.” You just turn to leave not really bothering to keep any form of politeness towards you’re fool of a roommate. He really had no idea how close you were to just biting him. His hand grips your arm and you turn to look at him.

“didn seem like ‘ou were lookin to go home spit fire” He leans in close and you unconsciously take a step back. “where were you off to so late at night?”

“I figured I’d see the city a bit while I was out, can’t do much when it’s daylight out. Then somebody had to start stalking me and ruined my little adventure.” It wasn’t the complete truth but it also wasn’t exactly a lie.

“hm. but wouldn it be easier to just do that in the early evening?”

“I had work tonight and couldn’t.”

“hm...whatever you say spit fire.” He lets go of your arm and starts walking down the street. You really try to hold in an annoyed sigh but it slips out anyways. “somethin’ wrong?”

“Just tired.” Tired of not being able to properly eat or be left alone. Tired of not having any privacy in your own home. Tired of people being so rude.

“...” Papyrus just shrugs and continues on.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Back home you feel like a few bricks are attached to every part of your body. You managed to get to your bed before you completely gave out. Now you’re staring up at the ceiling trying to come up with some way to get out to eat. You could just sneak out the window but now you were worried that the skeletons had set up some sort of trigger to let them know you’d left. You contemplate risking it anyways, if you didn’t eat tonight you risk an even greater issue of not being able to control yourself. 

With only a few more seconds of thought you change into the clothes you’d packed, open the window as quietly as possible, and slip out to the backyard. Quickly running back into the main city you walk until you hit one of the more run down parts. Walking past a few of the more well lit streets you find a small park with a lone person smoking under the playscape. 

With your target in sight now, you quietly walk up to him and put on your best confused and innocent face.

“Excuse me sir? Do you happen to have a cellphone I could use?”

“Eh? Sure here, who’d you need to call?” He pulled out his phone and was fiddling with the passcode. 

You took your chance and grabbed his head to expose his neck fully. With a quick bite you injected some sleeping venom that quickly knocked him out. His blood was pretty gross, not a crack head or anything major but any drugs seemed to just make people's blood bitter. You drank heavily for a few seconds but pulled away before you took too much from him, no sense in killing him if he could be useful to you later.

Laying him down you made sure all of his belongings were hidden back in his jacket before standing up and dusting yourself off. You wouldn’t feel the effects of the blood for awhile so you just decide to head home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's short and I'm sorry! I promise to try and make the next one longer!


	8. Cats and Their Traps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Looks like it's time for the canary to sing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy!

You carefully climb back over your fence into the backyard. With your eyes trained on the back windows for any sign of movement you quickly make your way to the wall under your window. With a sign you grip onto the bricks and carefully pull yourself up the side of the house. You may be strong but that does nothing to help you grip the incredibly small ledges as you drag yourself further from the ground. The wall was pretty filthy as you could feel the dirt grind against your fingers.

Finally making it to your window you curse slightly under your breath as you notice a small piece of broken blue tape had been placed right on the outside of your window, probably by Papyrus. The bastard.

“It’s almost morning and he decides to pull this?” You mutter as you carefully pry open the window and step back into your room. 

You contemplate what you should do about the issue as the stick man himself was sure to notice the broken tape and once again pester you about your whereabouts. You really didn’t feel like talking to him about anything regarding her feeding habits...again.

With you mind set to just fix the dumb trap he set for you, you carefully walk downstairs making sure to pick up a roll of tape from your desk. Your footsteps are quiet but nothing was going to stop the creaking of the floor boards from your steps so you opt to just jump down to the second floor, making sure to land on the carpet with a small roll to cushion the landing. Feeling a bit pleased about your jump you tip toe over to the backdoor and slip outside. 

The pleased smile quickly turned to confusion as you looked up at the wall you had just scaled not 15 minutes earlier.

“If I had such an uncomfortable time getting up there, how did Papyrus or even Sans get up there?” Your face scrunches up in confusion as you start your ascent again. “Magic is weird...I really don’t get their powers at all.”

As you climb higher you can feel your grip giving out and you have to readjust your hands a lot more than your first climb. The dirt on the wall was becoming slightly damp and muddy due to the morning dew and covering your hands and shoes. You hear rustling behind you, and quickly snap your head to the singular tree in your backyard expecting to be met with the bastard who was making you do all this.

What met you was another bastard. In the tree were several black birds who started lightly chirping when you looked at them. It sounded almost like laughter in your ears.

“If you’re over there why don’t you come over and help?” You hiss at them. The chirping seemed to become more chaotic the longer you looked at the feathered nuisances, so you returned your focus to the wall. 

Your fingers were starting to ache from gripping onto the shallow bricks that made up your back wall and you could also feel the traction on your shoes beginning to slip. With a careful push you manage to grip the edge of your windowsill and pull yourself up to the now closed glass.

Removing the broken tape, you carefully reapply your new piece while keeping hold of the ledge. Once satisfied with your work you give a small huff before hopping down from the window and trying to roll to lesson the impact again. Standing up you brush off the dirt from your clothes and ignore your sprained ankle as it would only take a minute or two to heal.

You notice the sun rising and mutter a small curse as you make your way to the door to wait. With a small shake you deem your ankle good enough and walk inside to see Sans standing with his arms crossed and eyes narrowed.

“AND JUST WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?” He walks up to you and carefully grabs a lock of your hair. You could see the little crunched up leaves in that strand and didn't even want to think about what the rest of your hair must look like at this point.

You don’t say anything for a second, unsure of what he had seen. Half truths couldn’t hurt too much you suppose.

“I just wanted to be outside before the sun came up.” You could hear the cracking in your voice from exhaustion, you need to get some sleep in before really dealing with any of this.

“I HAVE BEEN INFORMED OF YOUR...ISSUE.” Sans drops you lock and glares as if your very existence offended him...which it might have given his attitude. “BUT THAT IS NO EXCUSE TO ROLL AROUND IN THE DIRT AND COME IN HERE LOOKING AS IF YOU’VE FOUGHT A TREE AND LOST.” He holds up a leaf he’d plucked from the lock.

“A bit of gardening could be done is all I figured. Wasn’t aware I was really digging for trouble.” You just smile and hope he would be distracted enough so you could get away.

You saw the second he realized your pun as his face went from glaring in suspicion to just being annoyed.

“NO.” He turns and begins prepping for breakfast.

“leaf it up to a human to make an appearance like this.”

You jump and spin around to see Papyrus standing behind you smirking. Sans just groaned loudly from the kitchen but didn’t say anything else.

“he really likes puns but won’t admit it because he’s got a stick up his ass.”

“STOP LYING WITH PUNS!”

You laugh a little and mention wanting a shower before heading upstairs trying to ignore the curious lights following your form up the stairs.

You step into the warm spray and lean your head back against the tile wall. You may have been physically energized by your little meal but mentally you were exhausted. You didn’t like this situation at all, it felt like you had to constantly be on guard around them, especially that lanky bastard who didn’t know when to keep his nose out of things that didn’t concern him.

A frown graced your face as you lathered and rinsed the leaves and dirt out of your hair. You really couldn’t blame the skeletons for being weary though, you would be too if you were in their situation. Locked underground for who knows how long only to be released and thrown into a house with some human who was acting funny. Yeah, you could see how they’d be on edge.

Finishing the rest of your shower and throwing on your change of clothes, you walk out and back into your room only to see that tall bag of bones had made himself quite comfortable on your bed.

“Yes?” You sigh, personal space was no longer a luxury of yours you guess.

“hm? don’ mind me, i'm just enjoying the view.” Papyrus was moving one of his cigarettes in his mouth when he spoke. Taking a deep inhale he released a cloud of purple smoke above him, chuckling at your disapproving glare.

“You’re quite rude, you know.” You lean against the doorway and cross your arms.

“rude? if that’s all i am, then i must be doin’ somethin’ right.” He sat up and opened your window to throw the cigarette out. “you on the other hand have been downright shady.”

“Oh? How do you suppose that?” You didn’t let it show on your face but you could feel a small amount of anxiety as the other reached out and pulled off the tape from earlier.

“nothin’ much, just noticed some things were off this mornin’.” While you couldn’t fully see his face you could feel the stiffness of the air, almost as if someone had infused static into every molecule of oxygen around you. One wrong move and you’d be zapped.

The word  _ things _ stuck out to you though. You’d missed something.

“What are you even talking about?”

Papyrus stood up with his hands in his pockets and walked over to you. You weren’t cornered, really. You were in the doorway and could easily dart out of the way, but his expression was as if the cat had finally caught the canary. He simply held up the piece of tape.

“it was blue.”

You scrunch your face up a bit confused. When you raised your eyebrow at him he said nothing. Your mask slipped for a split second as you realized he was saying the original tape was blue, that split second was all he needed.

“caught ya.” He whispered with a smirk that was sure to send you into a fit of defiant rage if you looked at it any longer. You couldn’t really say if you were actually mad at the smirk or your own stupidity. He held up his hand and lifted one finger.

“You must have more evidence than that if you think you’ve caught me doing something.”

“sans vacuums the carpet everynight before we go to sleep. quite strange for it to have marks on it in the morning.” His head was tilted and had a thoughtful expression now. 

“But I had to walk over the carpet to get into the backyard.”

“mmm you’ve got a point, but wouldn’t they have been footprints not streaks?”

You felt your eye twitch and your heart rate go up, just who was this guy.

“Then, do tell, why were they streaks?”

“if i had to guess, you had to move quickly for some reason. jumped over any railings lately?”

“And why would I have to jump? Wouldn’t I just walk down the stairs like any NORMAL person would?”

“those stairs squeak louder than anything in this house, it’d surely ruin any sneaky plans you had if one of us were to wake up.” While his face overall was clearly bored with interrogating you, his yellow eyes bore intensely into you. Like he wasn’t looking at your body but your being.

“Then you must sleep deeper than you think. I woke up and walked down the stairs, I was polite and attempted to be quiet walking down. To accuse someone of my stature of jumping over the railing, landing, and rolling on the carpet is absurd.” You motioned to yourself and lack of muscles for such a feat.

“i never said anything about rolling.” You saw a second finger go up and you furrowed your brows in confusion but decided to not ask.

“You implied it and I cannot think of another way those streaks would have gotten there if I had jumped over the railing.”

“then how do you think those streaks got there?”

“I drag my feet when I walk, especially in the mornings when I’m tired.”

“fair enough. still suspicious that you didn’t mention it when i first brought it up.”

Bristling you felt the tail ends of your patients beginning to wane. The nerve of this guy to walk into your room and harass you about the most trivial of things was, quite frankly, some of the rudest behavior you had encountered lately. He may have come into your room previously to pester you about your pouches but at least he left after being given an answer. Though that answer may have been far too much of a shock for him at the time.

“What’s suspicious is you sneaking into my room to harass me over all of this.” You wave your hand nonchalantly at him. “I thought I made it quite apparent that I don’t tolerate rude people  _ Papyrus. _ ”

“is it really rude of me to ask questions?” He tilted his head with an uninterested expression.

“When those questions are simply put forth to get some weird rise out of me, yes.”

“mmm…” He looked out the window with a hum. “well then i just have one more question for you.”

“Do bless me with yet another insightful pick at something that doesn’t matter.”

Papyrus actually chuckled at that before turning back to you.

“the dirt on you wouldn’t happen to be from the wall outside would it?”

You blinked slowly.

“What? This came from the garden.”

Papyrus looked at you and slowly raised a third finger.

“might want to check that back wall for someone crawling up it then.”

With that he walked past you and bumped your shoulder on his way out. You stood there for a moment very confused as to what had just happened between the two of you. You turned around and watched his back as he was descending the stairs and couldn’t shake the awful feeling that you had just been trapped.

The cat had caught what it thought was a canary.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the wait, a lot of this came up due to recent events and I honestly just haven't had too much time to sit down and write. I'll try to get back to my usual update schedule! Also please tell me if I've missed any strange wordings!
> 
> I'm very tired it's 4am now lol


	9. Pathetic People

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More shopping adventures!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait! I really do want to keep up a monthly update schedule but I don't have any real timeframe for when my head wants to finish a chapter.

You weren’t sure what to feel. The next few days passed without incident, though that may have been due to the lack of communication between you and the boys. You’d done your best to avoid each of them aside from your required daily acknowledgements of each other.

As you walked through the door from your shift you were greeted by a fairly grouchy looking skeleton. His foot was tapping as his eyes narrowed at you, looking just slightly more crazy than the last time you’d seen the shorter brother.

“HUMAN I HAVE A PURCHASE I NEED MADE.” The fidgeting of his fingers and the fact that he was up at this unreasonable hour, even for him, were dead give away that something was amiss. 

“Would you like to borrow my laptop?” You asked hoping you could just quickly wipe your browsing history and hand it off to him. You didn’t have anything secretive on there besides your email but it’d still be uncomfortable to think they could rummage through your browsing history.

“THERE WILL BE NO NEED FOR THAT. I WOULD LIKE TO GO TO ONE OF YOUR HUMAN SPORTS SHOPS TO OBTAIN SOME EQUIPMENT.”

You watched as he started bouncing slightly, seeming to be unable to find a useful outlet for his energy. You were struck with a realization that left you feeling incredibly guilty for the skeleton before you. Stir crazy, the poor man was going stir crazy. They couldn’t exactly leave the house like you could. 

“Sure, what kind of equipment are you wanting exactly?”

“I’D LIKE TO START WITH A TREADMILL AND SEE HOW LONG YOUR HUMAN CONTRAPTION LASTS WITH MY SKILL LEVEL. MAYBE A FEW SETS OF DUMBBELLS AS WELL.” He was smirking now and a small laugh escaped your lips before you could compose yourself.

“Since you were captain in your guard, I don’t suppose you expect it to last long.”

“IT WILL LAST ME LONG ENOUGH TO FIND A SUFFICIENT WAY TO GET MY PERSONAL EQUIPMENT HERE. THEY WOULDN’T LET ME BRING IT WITH ME AS IT WAS TOO BULKY.”

You hum in acknowledgment with a small nod. You two discuss and agree to go at noon after you’d gotten at least a few hours of sleep, though Sans eyes narrowed curiously.

“THAT IS...QUITE LITTLE SLEEP.” He eyes your fairly tired form.

“Eh, people all have different sleep clocks. I can usually function fine with as little as 3 hours and I typically only get about 5 hours anyways.” Your explanation clearly isn’t good enough as he scowls more.

“WE WERE TOLD HUMANS NEED TO GET 8 HOURS OF SLEEP TO REMAIN HEALTHY. IF YOU SUCCUMB TO ILLNESS WHILE WITH MY BROTHER AND MYSELF THE WHOLE OF MONSTERKIND WILL BE ATTRIBUTED AS THE CAUSE.”

“While that may be true, the people telling you that aren’t giving you the full truth on the matter. People have different sleep clocks, there isn’t a one size fits all solution, just general assessments.” You roll your neck a bit and hear a small crack. You don’t see Sans’s horrified face. “Also, if I were to truly come down with something I do believe I could either deal with it on my own or explain to doctors the cause of my illness. I wouldn’t let you or your brother be blamed for my poor health.”

“...HUMANS ARE STRANGE.”

“I agree. See you at noon!” With that you walk up to your room and get ready for bed.

As your eyes close you can’t help but wonder what monster sleeping habits are, or at least your skeletons sleeping habits. 

At exactly 12:01 there was a loud knock on your door as Sans yelled through reminding you of your contract. With a grumble, you pulled yourself from your bed and yanked out some decent clothes from your dresser.

You stumble down the stairs and see Sans waiting by the door leading to the garage where your car and their motorcycles stayed. He was bouncing on his heels with a small smile on his face. You also noticed some strange shapes in his eye sockets, were those stars spinning? You really don’t understand their magic. Once he realized your presence he started trying to contain himself, though it seemed he was unaware of his eye-lights currently spinning.

“ARE YOU FINALLY READY? IT’S ALMOST 1:00PM!” Sans followed you out to your car and quickly hopped into the vehicle. Adjusting your sunglasses you make sure all the mirrors and the seat of the car are in their correct positions.

“It’s only 12:15pm.” You look at the clock, you thought you got out of bed pretty fast all things considered.

“CLOSE ENOUGH. NOW LET'S GO TO YOUR PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR AN EQUIPMENT STORE.” He crossed his arms and glared out the window after fastening his seatbelt. You couldn’t help but notice he was...vibrating?

“Are you okay?” You start the car but don’t back out quite yet as a rattling sound seemed to come from inside your car. “Oh no. What could that be?!”

“WHAT?”

You turned off the engine but the rattling sound persisted.

“That sound! I think something’s up with the car.”

“WHAT SOUND?”

“That rattling!” You were getting a bit frantic now as the rattling hadn’t stopped yet the car was off. Was the car simply running on it’s own somehow?

You pop the hood and go to get out to inspect your car but Sans’s hand stops you. You turn to him and furrow your brows at his very amused expression.

“What? Don’t tell me you can’t hear that!”

“I SUPPOSE I SHOULD REMIND YOU THAT I AM A SKELETON.” 

You were lost, obviously something was going on and you were just not getting it.

“I’m...I don’t understand? So nothing is wrong with my car?”

Sans couldn’t hold back anymore and just started laughing loudly. You would have covered your ears if you didn’t notice that the rattling had gotten louder.

“You RATTLE? Why are you rattling?! Is that your bones?” You couldn’t care less if your questions could come off as a bit rude, this situation was perplexing to say the least. Sans’s increasing laughter and rattling wasn’t giving you much more of an answer.

“SKELETONS-HEH HEH- SKELETONS AS WELL AS MANY OTHER MONSTERS CAN-HA HA- CAN EXPRESS THEMSELVES WITH MORE THAN JUST WORDS.” There were tears pricking in his eyes as he explained. “AND YES, THOSE WOULD BE MY BONES.”

You stare at him for a second before letting out a small chuckle.

“...I can see now how my stomach growling caught you off guard.” You shake your head with a laugh when your response spurs on another bout of laughter from him.

Fixing your hood, you start your car back up and pull out of the garage. A smile stays on your face as you chat with Sans about what exactly he is looking for. Sans mentioned, or more demanded, that you deal with the associates at the store as they were probably going to be useless speaking to him. You sadly agreed.

“Though, to be fair, I’m not sure how many brain cells people like that actually have. Maybe they were just perpetually swapping the brain cells around and lost them.”

“CAN PEOPLE ACTUALLY LOSE THEIR BRAIN CELLS? I THOUGHT THOSE STAYED INSIDE YOUR HEAD.”

“Well it’s more of a figure of speech. I guess it’s just a way to express that intense feeling of annoyance when someone is doing something stupid.”

“HM WELL I SUPPOSE I’LL HAVE TO ADOPT THIS WORD CHOICE. IT SEEMS USEFUL WHEN TALKING TO IDIOTS.” Sans smirks as he starts fiddling with the radio.

“It is, just don’t piss off the wrong people!” You laugh and can’t help but notice how comfortable you feel. It’s a bit odd but you feel like you’re chatting with an old friend.

As you pull into the parking lot you can feel the tension rising in the car. You scold yourself for not suggesting Papyrus going along with you two to make Sans feel more comfortable but you also wonder if that was fair to the taller skeleton. His height really made him stand out, after all, so you guess it was for the best he stayed home to avoid attracting anymore unnecessary attention.

Making your way through the sports section, back to where the gym equipment is, you manage to flag down an associate.

“Hello, I was wondering if you could help us find some items for a personal gym we’re setting up at home?”

“Um…” The female associate kept glancing over at Sans and was shifting her feet. “Sure I can try?”

“Thank you, what can we find here on this list?” You held out a small note with the items Sans had written down and the associate quickly walked them over to a few of the displays and showed off the inventory. As you are comparing prices Sans is scrutinizing the quality.

“ARE YOU AWARE OF THE SINGULAR BRAIN CELL YOU LACK?”

You’re head shoots up as you look over at where Sans and the associate are standing. You must have missed the prior conversation.

“W-what?”

“THE BRAIN CELLS YOU’RE SHARING! YOU ARE LACKING IN THEM!”

Sans’s expression looked very done while it seemed like the associate wasn’t quite understanding what he was saying. You quickly make your way over and give Sans a questioning look.

“SHE KEEPS STARING AT ME. WHILE I MAY POSES A MARVELOUS BODY, I DO NOT APPRECIATE BEING GAWKED AT.”

You make an ‘oh’ face and nod.

“I see. I’m sorry ma’am but I don’t believe my friend enjo-”

“Your boots!” The associate squeaks out. “I...I really like your boots! What brand are they?”

You and Sans both stare at the woman, this definitely wasn’t the reaction you were expecting.

“...WELL THEY WERE MADE BY THE LOCAL SHOPKEEPER IN MY TOWN. HIGHEST QUALITY LEATHER SHE COULD FIND.”

“Well they’re bootiful!” She was fidgeting and wouldn’t even look Sans in the face. You were quickly hit with the realization that this girl was interested in Sans.

You couldn’t help yourself and started laughing so hard you had to hold onto the display case. You most certainly should have brought Papyrus along with you, you can only imagine the reaction this whole conversation would have caused him to have.

“WHILE I APPRECIATE YOUR ADMIRATION FOR THE QUALITY OF MY APPAREL I DETEST PUNS.” Sans turned to you. “HUMAN! WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING?”

“W-well I have to say that they make you have a g-good b-booty.” It was almost a whisper coming from her and you weren’t even sure if she realized she was still making a pun. All you know for sure was that you were now having to sit down in an effort to not fall over from laughing.

“HUMAN, I DETEST PUNS BUT THE COMPLIMENT IS APPRECIATED AGAIN!” Sans storms over to your shaking form. “JUST WHAT IS SO FUNNY?!”

You can’t speak and just hold out your hand, hoping he’ll just help you up as you clearly cannot stand by yourself. He raises a brow bone and yanks you to your feet before letting you go to once again lean against the display.

“He- oh god- He’s not interested hun.” The associate just stared between the two of you before her own eyes went wide.

“O-Oh! I’m so sorry! I-I didn’t realize you two were…” She trailed off and your eyes widened in panic.

“No, no no no! That’s not what’s going on I-”

“WE ARE NOT A-” Sans clearly caught onto what she was implying and now both of you were trying to clarify the situation.

“I’ll tell my co-workers to call off that bet! Sorry!” She tried to run off, her face red, but Sans stopped her by her arm.

“WHAT BET?”

There was a heavy silence that sucked away all the previous enjoyment of the situation. Your gut was twisting at the words you knew were about to come and you could do nothing to stop the pain they surely would cause. You could only watch as the girl fidgeted in Sans’s grip.

“O-Oh well... it was to s-see who could go on a date with a monster first? I have to go now!”

You saw Sans’s arm flinch giving the girl just enough room to quickly break away and run off. Leaving you worried and Sans hurt and confused, if you had to guess the emotions running through the mind of the stock still skeleton. Sans gave a small huff after awhile and turned back to the displays, you could see in his eyelights that he was upset.

“...People are assholes...I’m sorry you had to deal with that.”

“I Do Not Enjoy Being Just A Prop For Someone Else’s Game.”

It was the quietest you had ever heard him speak. You didn’t really know how to comfort him so you just nodded.

“Yeah...guess she really didn’t have any of her brain cells if she couldn’t realize that.”

Sans gave a small laugh, it was tired but not forced so you decided you’d done at least one thing right.

“I HAVE TO ASK THOUGH. AT THE END THERE WAS SHE MAKING THE ASSUMPTION THAT YOU AND I WERE PARTNERS?” Sans had a small smile on his face and no small amount of amusement in his voice. At least he found her utter inability to read a situation properly funny.

“I think so?” You gave a small laugh. “Not a bad assumption I guess?”

“OH? SO YOU THINK IT’S A GOOD ASSUMPTION TO FIGURE US A THING?” You could hear the teasing in his voice and just deadpanned.

“I am very much single and NOT looking to mingle.” Sans just let out a loud laugh and you couldn’t help the smile that crossed your face too. You were happy you could at least leave the store on a happier note.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lets be real, that kind of behavior is atrocious. More reasons for these two to get closer right?
> 
> Also if anyone wishes to be a beta reader I would love to have you on!

**Author's Note:**

> It's short for now but I'll get the chapters longer as the story progresses. Feel free to chat with me on tumblr! 
> 
> https://mochaberrypie.tumblr.com/
> 
> Don't be afraid to comment and critique!


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